It's not Sue-Sue

The Partner gave me a Tom-Tom GPS navigation system for Christmas. This is a great gift for me because it resolves my "always getting lost" problem and also tickles the geek in me.

When setting it up and selecting options, I decide I want it to have an Australian accent because that is the hottest accent on the planet.

The Tom-Tom came equipped with maps and satellite imagery for the "US and Canada", and "Guam". I had to think about this for a bit. I could understand if it came with "and Mexico", but Guam? To confirm my understanding that Guam is an island in the Pacific (and not reachable via ferry from Cape Cod), I consult with Google Earth (which rocks). I confirm my understanding of Guam and I decide to uninstall the maps for Guam, as I will rarely be driving there. I mean, even if I fly there, take the Tom-Tom and rent a car, it is a pretty small island. I also do not really see myself going there.

Anyway, enough of Guam. My Australian navigation assistant (Ken) has a real attitude. If I opt to go out of the predetermined path he selects, he gets all in my face - "what are you doing, mate - turn around! you're going the wrong way!" This was amusing the first few times. Now I am annoyed. I am wondering if the British accent voice is the same way (Todd). I expect such behavior of the American accent voice (Rich).

So far I have only used it to find an LL Bean outlet store near me and it worked perfectly. Other than that I have just been playing around with it and getting it mad at me or watching me on the map moving around Boston (it has a pretty cool 3D display).

Remember, it's not Sue-Sue, its Tom-Tom.

Remember Herbie the Dentist "Elf"?

I was watching "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" last night and had to make the following observations:

Herbie the "Elf" makes a new friend (or does he...?)

• Has anyone else noticed that the "elf" Herbie is the only "elf" that does not have pointy ears ? He is also the only one who has hair (very gay blond hair too). The other elves all have beady eyes, no hair and pointed ears. Kind of like Vulcans, and Celine Dion. The other interesting thing is his lack of interest in toy making, which we know is an elf's true calling. I am thinking that Herbie must be the bastard son of Santa, planted in the Elf community of Christmastown in order to hide him from Mrs. Claus. That is the most logical explanation.
• Santa should be ashamed of himself, and not just because of his bastard son Herbie. After Rudolph's nose cover pops off and his deception is discovered during the Reindeer Games, Santa is horrified, and tells Rudolph's father (Donner, as in from "Donner and Blitzen") that he should be "ashamed of himself". I was shocked. I told Rick the Bird that the real Santa would never behave in such a manner.
• By the way, Donner and Blitzen are my favorite reindeers. After all, their names mean "Thunder and Lightning" in German and that is, well, awesome.

Happy Holidays!!

Some good news!

David's cancer is in remission! We got the news today from the results of his latest CT scan. As David said, "I got what I wanted for Christmas this year". That means at least three months he does not have to deal with any chemo - excellent. Now we can really just enjoy the holidays without that hanging over our heads.

Funny work story

So if any of you actually read this blog, you know that I work in IT. I am also sure that most of you have heard some of the many "funny user computer support" stories, some fake, some real, that are floating around out there. So maybe you won't think this story is so funny - but I did (and it really happened to me).

I am walking down the hall when one of my co-workers jumps out of her cube (we have a massive cube farm) and calls out to me saying she is having a "terrible problem". Now this user is actually pretty computer savvy and is not prone to dramatics so I immediately assume there is a real problem. I also like this co-worker a lot, so I want to help her right away (I actually like all of my co-workers, for real, but this one is extra cool). She tells me her scanner is scanning everything into blank documents. Somewhat relieved (as this is hardly work stopping type problem, and I have other scanners I can set up), I run the scan and indeed, it gives a blank document.

As scanning documents is fairly important in her job, I decide to quickly remove the scanner and replace it. As I start, I open it up to remove her document to give back to her and discover there is no document in the scanner. I turned and asked her if she had removed the document already. She was totally red faced and said she must have never actually put it on the scanner "platen glass" (for some reason I love the term "platen glass"). Just in case, I take her document and try to scan it. Sure enough, it scans normally.

We both start laughing loudly and, as a result, cube farm "prairie dogging" ensues.

Why?

Why do large, chain supermarkets and department stores install sometimes up to 20 registers for checkout, but never have more than say 6 open at any time?

Just curious, that's all.

Air America

I returned to Boston from DC today on the US Air shuttle. I got to the airport early and asked to get on an earlier shuttle flight. They were able to do it but mistakenly issued me a first class ticket. After a moment of hesitation, the ticket agent said, "it's my mistake, take it and enjoy the flight". So I was very excited that I would now be upgraded to "potato chips" from "pretzels" on this flight.

The flight was already boarding so I rushed to it and got to my seat. Lo and behold, who is sitting in the row in front of me? Sandra Day O'Connor! Yep - her, the Supreme Court Justice - my god. So I sit down behind her and can't believe it.

THEN who walks on? Kerry Healy! Soon to be former Lt. Governor of MA, recently defeated by Deval Patrick for the Governorship. Then they close the door, and start the whole airplane safety video when suddenly the video stops, and the door of the plane is re-opened to allow one more passenger. And who was that? Karl Rove! Yes, THAT Karl Rove! I still cannot believe it. He sat down diagonally in front of me across the aisle. I could not look away, right behind Kerry Healy. It might as well have been the republican convention. I was thinking, this Rove guy gets to fly on Air Force One - what is he doing on this US Air Shuttle?

Other than Kerry Healy, I have no idea what brought the others to Boston.

True Story.

Back in DC - woohoo and Ugh at the same time

Traveling to DC again today. I arrive at Logan Airport at 2, I have tickets for the 4:45 shuttle, I am thinking that maybe I can get on earlier flight, they suggest the 3:45, I tentatively and timidly agree.... The entire scenario sounding eerily like this terrible experience!

But No! This time things are going my way. The plane arrives, it leaves, the plane is mostly empty, I am tempted by the shameless US Airways/Bank of America VISA promotion being made by the flight attendants, I get to DC earlier than expected and with a pretty nice view of the city coming into National Airport, I must say. Everything was finally going my way with this DC trip, except...

I did not consider the timing that well. My change of flights put me into DC and into DC traffic at 5:20 pm. Apparently, DC rivals Boston in its rush hour travel woes. In fact, it is so similar, I almost forgot I was on some Potomac River road rushing up to Bethesda, and thought I was on Storrow Drive along the Charles River. Alas, it took me an hour to drive what had taken me 15-20 minutes in the past.

Thankfully, the hotel had a fully stocked bar and friendly bartendress to welcome me and nurse my rush hour wounds. I do love this city. There is a Metro station right next door so I am going to run into downtown tomorrow when I get some time.

The Lion, the Witch and the "Wardrobe"

I was watching the Chronicles of Narnia again the other night (come on now, a geek like me never watches such a movie just once or twice, especially with a new high def TV). I had to wonder, "why a Wardrobe?". I mean, it could have been anything, right?

"The Lion, the Witch and the Broom Closet"
"The Lion, the Witch and the Pantry"
"The Lion, the Witch and the Hope Chest"

By why stop with furniture? The opportunities are endless....

"The Lion, the Witch and the Airport Bar"
"The Lion, the Witch and the Swingers Lounge"

Sometimes I just don't understand where they come up with specifics about titles. Of course, it is pretty specific - not quite so much as "Snakes on a Plane", but still...

To Dude, or not to Dude

Dude (noun), from the biblical Duderotomy - 1. A familiar person or friend. 2. An exclamation of excitement or surprise ("Dude!"). 3. An exclamation of disappointment ("Dude..."). 4. An exclamation of confusion ("Dude?").

Until recently, I have been somewhat intimidated by the word "Dude". I have never been entirely certain when it is appropriate to use it, while others toss it around so naturally. I always feared that I would sound like some geek trying to sound cool, like I was playing with the cool words.

Not anymore! I have been watching this season of "Amazing Race" and I have learned that "Dude" is a completely universal word. In fact, you can have entire conversations using only the word "Dude" and have it be understood by both parties, as is often the case with hotties Tyler and James. It apparently can mean anything, and its meaning is derived completely by the tone with which it is delivered. See the following soon to be used in real life example:

Fancy Waiter: Would you care for another glass of Boujoulais Magnifique 1987 with your Filet du Bouef Marienne, Monsieur?
Me: Dude!

Furthermore, I have learned that "Dude" is NOT gender specific. Despite my initial belief that it referred to males, apparently it does not. Rob on Amazing Race refers to his girlfriend Kimberly as "dude" all the time. See the following hopefully not soon to be real life example (again):

Lady at Airport Security: Sir, you forgot to remove your notebook computer from its carrying case - you will have to step aside and have it swabbed for biologicals.
Me: Dude....

See ya, Dude.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

I have been offline for a while, sorry about that. November has been a long and busy month. Thankfully, it ended with vacation and Thanksgiving - basically I just gave thanks for getting through the month.

A quick recap of some of the high points:

I had to head off to Washington, DC for a conference and it was something else. I had a nice time down there. The people of DC seem so much nicer than Boston. I had a great time there. I have to head back there this week for training. I hope the travel is better this time though, the last time the only shuttle flight that was canceled was mine (naturally). And I had to wait for six hours before another opened up. Ugh.

The democrats took back the house and the senate. Finally, some sanity in America. Of course, the Senate majority revolves around Joe Lieberman, who is really more of a republican, elected by republicans. Having the dems back in power will take some of the sting away during the next two years. How much more buffoonery can we take, anyway?

I had to move into a new, smaller cube at work in a new part of our office. Amazing how much difference 2 feet can make. At least I get more natural light there.

Work has been nutty. We are growing fast, and I have been working hard to be sure that the support systems have been in place to support it. I feel like all I do is work or think about work. Luckily I now have a staff in place to help with the growth. Otherwise I would have been given a nice bed in Shadybrook by now.

Yes, Shadybrook. If there are any other General Hospital viewers out there then you know Luke and Laura were reunited when a miracle drug revived Laura, briefly in November. Unfortunately, she returned to catatonia fairly quickly (no, it is not a former Soviet republic, it is a state of psychosis - I checked). I am a sap when it comes to Luke and Laura.

I bought a high def television, a 40 inch LCD Sony and promptly watched like 16 hours of Star Wars in high definition on Cinemax this month. Hot stuff guys. High def is truly hot. Now I understand what the "HD" channels in the high 800's on the cable channels are for!

Travel Woes

You know, I can't win sometimes. Even with the best intentions, it just won't go my way.

Today I have a ticket on the 4:45 US Air shuttle from Reagan National Airport to Boston. I left the conference early and arrived at the airport at 2. I have to check in at the ticket counter to get my boarding pass, and decide to see if I can get on an earlier flight. As I go there, I realize there is an extraordinarily long line at security.

I get to the agent at 2:15. She tells me that she can get me on the 2:45 shuttle. A fearful glance at security convinced me that I would not get to the gate in time. She said there was nothing earlier than my 4:45. Just before deciding that I would settle for my original time and just get a magazine, she shrieks, "Oh- an opening on the 3:45 just came up" and before I could say OK or anything, she changed my ticket to the 3:45. Well, that is something.

I head to the security line, which has somehow disappeared during the last ten minutes. I easily pass through (remembering to remove my notebook computer for once - I always seem to forget this stupid rule and force a "swabbing for biologicals", whatever that is). I get to the gate as they are finishing boarding the 2:45 shuttle. So it turns out I could have made that one after all. Oh well, it is only another hour, correct?

INCORRECT. As soon as they close the gate for the 2:45, they announce that the 3:45 has been canceled and all passengers need to make alternate arrangements. HA? I had been on the 4:45 and was quite content with that until Miss "I can get you on the 3:45" chimed in. So I rush up to the gate and swear to them that I was originally on the 4:45 anyway. Too bad, all filled up. Earliest flight available now to me was 7 forty frickin five.

All of this because I decided to try to get an earlier flight. The double annoyance is that if I took the originally offered earlier flight I would have gotten out 5 hours earlier. Even if I had touched nothing, and stuck with the original, I would have gotten out 3 hours earlier.

I wanted to punch someone, so I decided instead to find airport internet access and purchase unnecessary things over the internet. But alas, no public internet was available - and my battery was low, and everyone else on Earth was in there hogging the available electrical outlets. So, I was forced *gasp*, to buy a book and read it.

Clever Commercial

I love it when commercials are amusing. This one is my current favorite. Look for all the detail.

Any DC Readers?

I am going to be spending some significant time in the Nation's Capitol over the next two months for work (conferences and training). I have been there many times in my life but not for several years.

Any recommendations for good restaurants (something nice to go to with co-workers/clients), as well as any night life spots to visit?

Just looking for some input.

"I only use it for medical purposes"

Yeah, right.

Pop culture is full of references for the use of feel good items for "medicinal purposes" From Granny's moonshine on the "Beverly Hillbillies" to Bones' Romulan Ale in "Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan", questionable consumables are passed off as therapeutic. This is wonderful, of course.

I am very grateful for this excuse, it has come in quite handy. Personally, I use chocolate fudge brownies "for medicinal purposes". Oh, and French Fries too. Once I categorize something as "medicinal purposes", all bad attributes (like amount of total fat, calories, cholesterol, etc.) are nullified. After all, when you hear about something like aspirin, you only hear how it prevents heart attacks, not how it also prevents proper blood clotting in the event of extreme bleeding.

Chocolate has well known medicinal purposes - it raises your Seratonin levels, which boosts your metabolism and overall state of well being. French fries just taste so damned good.

I hate Grammar Check

You know, in Microsoft Word, the thing that corrects your grammar or at least points out how bad your grammar is? It seems that everything I type in Word or Outlook now is full of green squiggle lines. I would turn it off, but I do find it useful for locating unnecessary double spaces.

I can see why this might be useful for official memos and other documents, but in email? I do not really want to know about misplaced dangling participles and run-on sentences in my e-mails.

Sometimes I wonder if the green color is meant to convey "friendly constructive criticism" rather than a screaming "YOU'RE WRONG" (like the way red squiggle lines yell at you about misspelled words), but I doubt that the code writers at Microsoft were really thinking about how we feel.

Thank you, G4

G4 is my current favorite cable channel. It provides me with daily doses of the best comedy every produced and treated like crap by viewers and its own network, "Arrested Development" as well as all the Star Trek (original and Next Generation), that I could ever wish for.

And now with the newly enhanced versions of the original Star Trek being shown each week, my DVR is busier than ever. And if you have not seen these enhanced episodes, give them a shot. They actually went in and redid the special effects shots using current state of the art CGI techniques, but toning it down enough to keep it in line with the original feel of the show. It is cool though.

So to G4, thanks for catering to a Geek like me.

Lieberman can't keep his own comments straight

Anyone who has read my politically oriented posts know how I feel about Joe Lieberman. But this video, posted at You Tube, really demonstrates why this man must be sent packing.

Unfortunately, it appears that the people of CT are preparing to send him back to Washington, even though he ignored the wishes of his party. He leads in the polls because CT republicans plan to vote for him over their own candidate. You know, that says something right there. With the direction this country is heading, it seems clear that anyone who supports the "stay the course" ineptitude of the failed Bush administration really needs to be sent home.

Check the video - you'll see what I mean.

How can any intelligent people still back the Bush republicans (and Joe Lieberman)? It boggles my mind.

Hi Everyone

I have been so overwelmed at work that I have not been able to post any social commentaries. And what a shame - so much to comment on socially:

• Project Runway
• Congressional Misconduct with Pages
• Bridezillas
• The Massachusetts Gubernatorial Race
• Etc.

I'll get back to it soon. FINALLY getting some very needed help at work and hoping that things calm down a bit.

Project Runway

So I have been watching "Project Runway" on Bravo. My only question is, where have I been? Why have I not seen this show before?

I have always loved the tension on "Survivor" and "The Amazing Race" (two shows I happily welcomed back this past week), but this show makes those two look like Sesame Street. I will have to get the DVDs.

Why is it ....

... that the character of the "lost son"/"bad boy"/ "rebel" always drives some vintage car or motorcycle?

I am watching the new CBS show "Jericho" - bizarre and mostly boring doomsday story. But a central character is one of these "lost son" characters, the apparent family bad boy who returns to town after five years to collect much needed money from his family.

When he arrives, he removes a completely unmolested car cover off of a perfectly preserved 1960's era vintage automobile. Why is it that bad boy lost sons always have such cars? Or motorcycles? Can't they for once, just have an Elantra or something? I'd have loved it if he had removed the tarp and it unveiled a new Beetle.

And are we really supposed to believe that this car sat in this city parking garage, covered with a tarp, completely untouched, for FIVE YEARS? And GAWD, he is flat broke.

This is funny

The Smoking Gun decided to highlight an amusing selection of letters to the NY Department of Motor Vehicles that either complain about custom license plates, or better yet, complain how custom license plate requests have been turned down.

This one is particularly amusing. Not only is this person "outraged" that their request for the custom license plate was denied, especially "during the war on terror", but the person also goes on to say to Governor Pataki that the governor as a republican represents the party that protects individual freedoms. Ha! I bet that person feels pretty stupid four years later, when being a republican is beginning to sound a lot like being a member of the Big Brother party.

It kind of illustrates the mind set of the ultra nationalistic American though, which post 9-11 is very scary indeed. Personally, I feel it is in our best interests to understand that the US does not, and should not, "kick butt". Instead, we should recognize where our strengths AND our weaknesses are, then work with other nations to complement one another. That will be the best way to stabilizing relations with more radical nations. I suppose I should now prepare for the Crapstorm I will get over this statement.

On a less serious note, the other letters to the DMV to complain about license plates are quite interesting as well. Why do people waste their time and energy getting so upset about such things?

Happy September

I have been off work the past week and although I did not go anywhere, I did do lots of things. I actually went to the Museum of Fine Arts for the first time since Junior High School, went to the Franklin Park Zoo and did other fabulous friend/family related things. I basically just enjoyed Boston, despite the weather.

I will write this week about the Museum and the Zoo, they were interesting and thought provoking. I actually live less than a mile from these things but have never been as an adult. Stupid me.

Feels Like Fall

So it has been sort of cold this week, and wet. This is all my fault, because it is my vacation week.

Regardless of this, I am enjoying the time off. Exercising, going to museums, seeing movies and spending time with family - it has been nice. But because I have been thinking about fall, I was thinking about some fall trips. I am taking two - one to Washington DC for work and one to the White Mountains for foliage fun.

I have been to DC many, many times, but I have always stayed outside the city in Maryland - this time I will be staying right downtown at the Wyndham Resort, which is great. And even though I will be there for work, I will have plenty of free time to do some site-seeing. Most of my stays there only allow me a little time to see the city's many awesome landmarks. The question is, what do I see first?

It has been many years since I headed north to the Mountains. I am feeling a need to hike in the woods and see the "Flume" again. So one weekend in early October I will be driving up and just "walking the wilderness".

Jerk of the Week

Donald S. Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense.

Rumsfeld recently had the gall to suggest that people who criticize the foreign policy of the current administration are undermining our efforts to "fight a new facism". He is simply ridiculous.

Our nation is based on the fact that we can (and, in fact must) question the decisions of our leaders. Our leaders do not have an blank check of rule and control. They do, in fact, work for US. We elect them, they are accountable to us and they cannot tell us whether to question their decisions.

Keith Olbermann on MSNBC had a great message to give to the confused Secretary. I say "confused" because Rumsfeld's comments suggests he has no understanding of the liberties our constitution protect. His commentary is worth seeing - Crooks and Liars has it here.

Technical Difficulties

Ugh. Recently I purchased a brand new notebook from a well known technology "super store". My current one, which I had had for two years, was beginning to show signs of impending doom - hard drive noises, sluggish performance. I have been doing IT support long enough to know that I was looking at problems (or so I thought). I figured I would be proactive and treat myself.

I bring the cool notebook home and install all my software and spend about a day getting it up to speed with the old notebook. Then, with the appropriate amount of pomp and circumstance, I retired the old machine.

In the two weeks since, several of the major software programs naturally released major upgrades, including my accounting software. And Monday night, I downloaded a bunch of new family photos from an event that was held this weekend.

Tuesday morning? "Cannot find Windows file HAL.DLL - please reinstall file or operating system. GOD DAMMIT. No warning at all. Just death, pure and simple. Brand new freaking machine with all the software updated. I do some quick trouble shooting (after all, I am an IT guy) and nothing. I pretty much figure that I am screwed (well, I have to deal with technical support, which is similar).

Now luckily, I am a big believer in backups and I had a fairly recent one. So I quickly dust off the recently retired computer, bring it back online and get all the anti-virus and security programs updated. But then I realize that I updated a lot of software, especially my accounting software, over the web. And now, I could not read my accounting data files. GOD DAMMIT.

Another call, to another technical support. After much back and forth with the technical support people to get them to understand what my problem was, I was finally pointed to a web site to download all the new software. So I get the old computer back up to speed and get running again.

Then what happens? My backup hard drive fails - an external one that I back up all my data to. Now fortunately this happens after I restored everything, but none the less, it was quite close to being a complete loss. Luckily I had an old one which still worked well, so I could back everything up again just in case I had another crash. Funny that the brand new computer and external hard drive fail immediately but the older computer and external drive work well. I wondered if it could have been a virus but do not believe so.

So after a lot of on hold time (Michael Bolton seems to get a lot of business with on hold music services), I am told by HP that a replacement hard drive will be sent for the new computer. Now you can imagine I do not have much faith. But once I get it, I will install it and go through the whole process of getting the new computer up and running.

I am supposed to be on vacation damit, why am I dealing with this BS?

Creepy

This is creepy - A Daily Kos poster attributes it to global warming and I do not doubt it. Scary stuff - can you even imagine stumbling across a VW size nest of Yellow Jackets?

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N....

.... In the summer sun....

I start a full week of vacation Friday, my first in over a year (and boy do I need it). It will be pretty open ended, but I am going to take it easy, if anything of interest comes up, I will report it. But man, I am so excited just to do nothing!

Quote of the week (for real this time)

"According to reports, Fidel Castro is alert and being briefed. And I'm thinking, why didn't we get a president like that?"

- David Letterman

Memo to "That Guy At My Gym"

To improve the overall morale of all the members, please start wearing underwear effective immediately.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Quote of the Week

"Your people will be assimilated as easily as Picard has been. Your attempts at a delay will not be successful, Number One. We will proceed to Earth. And if you attempt to intervene, we will destroy you".



Locutus of Borg, circa stardate 44002.3

Sorry - but it is on G4 right now as I type, and well, it's a classic.....

What is Joe Thinking?

Does Joe Lieberman actually think that people will see him as anything other than a really sore loser? In the best case scenario, he is a pretentious, arrogant ass, who sits on his own self constructed pedestal believing that he knows better than his constituents and therefore cannot let his primary defeat "stand".

Running as an independent, he asks the Democrats of his state to accept the fact that he does not trust their choices. He "reassures" them that he knows what is best and that they should quietly comply.

Joe, go home.

What a drag...

I have been dragging the past few days. Maybe I have caught a summer cold, maybe it is the onset of ragweed allergies coupled with exhaustion from ten straight long days at work (with lots of stressful project work), but I can hardly lift a finger.

I went to the gym after work tonight and just couldn't. Granted, I have worked the past ten days straight installing a massive new system that involved lots of stress and lots of late hours. The work went exactly as planned and no problems were encountered. The transition was pretty seamless, so maybe my body is just decompressing from the high levels of adrenaline it lived off of during the past week. But whatever, I just want to Rip Van Winkle and sleep for days.

I finally get some time off this weekend, and the weather appears to be cooperating. Maybe I will rejuvenate. I was thinking a full body massage and some other spa pampering would help.

Suggestions?

It's a Small World After All

If, like me, you have been to either Disneyland (CA) or DisneyWorld (FL), and, like me, you have been through the "ride" It's a Small World After All, then, like me, you are traumatized by nightmares of thousands of Pinnochios, holding hands, dancing and signing that horrendous song.

I feel your pain.

I do not think anything has ever made me hate a song that much so quickly. Michael Bolton did come close, though, with "How Am I Going To Live Without You".

I have a suggestion on how to improve the "ride" It's a Small World After All - turn it into a shooting gallery. Not a graphic one or anything, the standard kind where you fire your air rifle and the target drops backwards. Very simplistic but would greatly improve the overall experience. You just go in and do what feels natural when experiencing that ride - blowing the crap out of everything in sight.

Provincetown, Madonna, the World Cup, 19 Innings, et al... Part Three

Continued from Part Two:

By the time I get home Saturday night, I am exhausted. David and I just crashed on the couch, I opened some wine, and we watched "Dirty Jobs" on the Discovery Channel. That show is like a car crash, it's gross but you cannot look away.

Sunday morning I get a nice long sleep in. Since I got to bed reasonably early the night before, I was able to sleep long, but still get up at a reasonable hour - this is a good thing.

My Madonna Sunday

I start this wonderful Sunday off (it was beautiful out), by going to the gym. I figure I need it after a day of debauchery in PTown and want to look my best for her highness, the Material Girl, right?

So, some morning gym and errands, gets me home just in time to find on TV, what else, the World Cup final game. Ugh. So, now after spending the day Saturday dealing with it, I decide - what the hell, let it play in the background while I do some house work. But unlike the Germany/Portugal game - this one was more interesting. I wonder what my Italian friends are doing - how are they spending this afternoon separated from home? Anyway, all my interest wanes quickly when I realize how endless overtime is in Soccer, and that in the end a bunch of penalty kicks can actually determine it all. Whatever. I did run out and get Chinese Food though, which was fun.

Oh, and before I forget, this day was the David and my 17th anniversary. I mention to the Bird (who was with David when I first met him) that it was my Bird anniversary as well. I have lived with David and Rick longer than with anyone else in my life, including members of my own family. That says alot. It still feels like yesterday that we met and went on that first date. To put it in perspective, on that day - July 9, 1989, we went to see Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson in "Batman" (yes, the original one) when it was first out in the theatres. That was our first date. God we are old.

In the 17 years we have been together, one thing has always been constant - David is always late. I learned long ago to add 30 minutes to any amount of time we need to get ready to be anywhere.

As I am watching television and the news comes on it tells me two things. First, the predominantly Italian North End of Boston is going crazy due to the World Cup. Second, the Red Sox are still battling the White Sox in the 11th inning. Great. Due to this, I decide two things. First, we will take the subway to the concert and forego the car, and second, I do not want to watch the end of the Sox game.

Naturally we are running late - getting to the subway and then to the Garden right at 8. We run for some drinks and pray we are not too late. We are not. Everyone is loitering around outside and getting drinks. In the background, I see the Sox game is on the TV and I ask a guy - who won? (figuring it was long over by now). He responds with a sneer, "what do you mean who won? They are still playing". Ass. And wow - 19 innings - suddenly I am interested, but, well, Madonna and all. So off we went to find our seats. I would have to read the sad Papelboner story another time (by the way, I hear from a friend of mine he ran into Papelbon's parents while racing home from that very game - small world).

Before this, I had never been in the Banknorth Garden. This Garden is nothing like the old Garden. The old Garden had character and spirit - the new one is generic and bland. We had top row balcony seats, which are really, really way the hell up there. I felt like I was being guided by a Sherpa to get to them - we briefly stopped at base camp for oxygen and medical assistance then continued on.

I love Madonna, but did she have to make us wait 45 minutes? I mean, we all make a reasonable effort to show up on time and all. The concert was excellent. Probably the best stage show I have ever seen (including "The Lion King", which was fantastic.) There was this guy in front of us though, who kept screaming "Yeah!! Yeah!!" at the top of his lungs and pumping his fists in the air. I really wanted to punch his face in. I wondered whether or not he was tripping and thought he was at a Celtics game instead. I mean, he wasn't even singing or anything - just yelling "Yeah!!", like he was watching an orgy. Maybe seeing Her is his equivalent. His voice eventually gave way though, thankfully.

Afterwards we walked through the city and it was a beautiful night. Lots of pseudo-Italians roaming the streets screaming "Italy" at the top of their lungs and flying the Italian flag.

All in all, I must say, quite the weekend.

"Kyle XY"

Anyone else loving this new show?


"Kyle XY" airs Mondays on ABC Family and Fridays on ABC Standard.

Over the past few years, summer has started to become a great time for new TV shows. Cable, of course, has made this easier - with it providing most of the best shows.

Between USA, which has given us "The 4400" (awesome), "Monk", "Dead Zone" and "Psych", and this, I keep the DVR busier than during the regular TV season.

I hope "Kyle XY" is picked up after this season, Part "X-Files", part "Roswell", and hugely part "Lost", the show is very intriguing and well acted. The central family unit may be just a tad too Disney for my taste (admittedly updated to the 21st century), but I like them anyway.

I do hope he is NOT an alien though - that is too over done.

Condi's Roman Holiday

Why does she always look so mean? Does she ever smile? I guess I wouldn't either if I worked for "him".


So Condi flew to the Middle East and made one of those famous Bush Admin "surprise visits" to a combat area. This time, Beirut. She then flew off to Rome to discuss the current crisis in Lebanon with other world leaders.

I would almost like to be a fly on the wall at these types of meetings. When the US participates, how do they behave? Especially this administration?

Afterwards she states that there must be an "enduring peace". OK, sounds great. I am fairly sure we all want that. But when has there ever been one in the Middle East? It reminds me of the cliche of the Beauty Pageant contestants saying they want "World Peace". Do American state department officials truly believe they can go to these meetings and dictate how the others should behave? Especially now when our credibility as a World Leader has been so incredibly destroyed during the past few years.

My heart and sympathies goes out to all the innocent Israeli and Lebanese citizens who have been killed or hurt during this current situation. But, I think the Bush Administration's best contribution to the situation would be to stay the hell out.

Jerk of the Week, Part 2

Michael Brown (aka "Brownie"), disgraced former FEMA Director and current Idiot.



This guy is a damned fool. He almost faded away into obscurity but then he makes this ridiculous comment? This just exemplifies the type of people the Bush Administration likes to surround itself with, I guess.

It's going to be a long two years.

Jerk of the Week, Part 1

Joe Lieberman, "Democrat" from Connecticut:



This senator has betrayed the Democratic Party, and could very soon do the same to the voters of his home state. Facing a real challenge in the democratic primary on August 8 by Ned Lamont, Lieberman has actually decided that he may run as an independent candidate in the general election if he loses the primary.

This essentially means that he will be telling the voters in the democratic primary that he does not respect their choice. He is telling them to screw. Remember what a primary is - it is the time for the members of a political party to come together and decide who their candidate will be in the general election. Talk about sore loser.

This should probably not be a surprise. He is Bush's biggest supporter in the democratic party, supporting the Iraq war and being called "my favorite democrat" by Idiot-In-Chief himself.

I hope that the voters of CT see he is not good for their state or our country. Lieberman needs to be sent home. He is clearly not serving his constituents' needs at this point, he is only serving his own.

Provincetown, Madonna, the World Cup, 19 Innings, et al... Part Two

Continued from Part One:

I board the boat from Provincetown to Boston, behind the young Italian exchange students, and reclaim the same seat I came down on - which was directly behind where the Italians decided to sit this time (better to see the television).

We get underway. It is a beautiful afternoon, but I am tired from the day (and several cocktails), so I decide to nap. As I comfy down, the purser on the boat comes out and turns on the TVs. Soccer appears to be the order of the day, and the Italians perk up quickly.

I was not going to nap.

The Ride Home and the World Cup

First off, let me start out by saying I was not living on another planet during the month of June. I might be completely clueless when it comes to soccer, but I was not unaware of the events happening in Germany that seemed to be all over the news. The thing I did not know, was just how long this damned thing was. Every weekend, there was another "big game", and I always thought that the game du jour being hyped was the final game (Germany vs. Brazil, France vs. Britain, Snakistan vs. Fritolaysia, etc.) - it just never seemed to want to end.

There is a nice Brazilian guy at my gym I always chat with. He would always say something to me along the lines of "what a game this weekend, ha?" - I always just kind of smiled and pretended to know the details. So throughout this process, I am always thinking the wrong teams are in the "finals" - Germany and Britain or someone from South America (not the US of course).

It was the morning I left for PTown that I finally got it straight. I am rarely up for the morning news on Saturdays, but I had to get to the boat, so I had it on. I hear that Italy and France will be in the World Cup "Finals". I say, "it's STILL going on?". I decide to go to my old friend the internet and finally get this right. Sure enough, it would be France and Italy. Whatever.

But back to the boat. It is the end of the fabulous day in PTown now and I am pretty drained (a few Mike's Hard Lemonades on the dock did not hurt this situation).

I am intrigued by the group of Italian students. They are obviously on some foreign exchange program. When I was about their age (I was guessing 17), I also went on an exchange program, spending my summer in Southern Germany with a host family along with about 20 other students from my High School. It was a wonderful time in my life that I will never forget and it carried forward to my returning for university studies there later in life (I spent a great deal of time there). So I am thinking about the situation that these kids must be in, and envying them a bit.

As soon as the boat pulls out of PTown, the TVs come on and now there is soccer - Germany vs. Portugal. I am instantly confused. I try to remember what I had actually "confirmed" in the morning. It was my impression that France and Italy were playing, but that the game was the following day. I decide that I am clearly not with it in soccer related issues. However, I soon realize while watching the game that this game is for "Third Place" (and hence, fourth place as well). Suddenly it makes sense, and I am interested. I decide quickly that Germany is my favorite, due to my experience living there.

Now the Italian kids perk up - they all collect in front of the televisions and start getting loud. Their Italian is not pure Italian - it almost seems like Swiss Italian, and it has a very strong Germanic dialect/accent. I begin to wonder if they are from Switzerland when suddenly a promo comes on for the final game the next day and when the Italian team is shown, they go wild - No question, they are from Italy.

I am amused by their reactions to the events in the Germany/Portugal game, they seem to favor the Portuguese. And so, I end up sitting and watching the game - or probably more accurately, watching the Italians watching the game. Their excitement for the next day clearly obvious in any language. It brought me back to a day not that long ago - in October, 2004 (I'll let you all figure that one out).

The ride back to Boston was beautiful, the view crystal clear and the wind was warm on deck. I occasionally went out to see. But mostly, I watched the World Cup.

... To Be Continued

Next: While Running to catch The Material Girl, I get caught by the 19th inning! (oh, and I watch Italy and France too)

My Apologies

I have been so totally busy at work and have not posted. I have a massive work project starting next week which will consume ten straight days (including Sat and Sun), so I am taking a few days off this week to rest up. I want to bring as much of the bloggable stuff up to date as I can while I have a little time.

So, without further diversion, I bring you the "Ptown/Madonna/World Cup/19 Innings" post trilogy, in its entirety (and maybe some other things too) ....

Great Site

Parts 2 and 3 of the PTown/Madonna bonanza weekend are coming, but craziness prevents me from doing any writing! David had surgery this week (he is doing well), and work has been particularly busy, with several projects coming to a head (but vacation is coming soon).

In the meantime, enjoy this great site. Be sure to watch the whole intro, and inside the site check out the "What People Are Saying" video. It is quite good and more importantly, it really does bring the whole question of whether people "choose" to be gay to the simple question of "well, when did you choose to be straight?". That is a question I have put to homophobes for years, and their answers are always bumbling, feeble grabs for words.

Enjoy the site!

Happy Bastille Day!

Love,

Jack

Provincetown, Madonna, the World Cup, 19 Innings, et al... Part One

I owe some very serious bloggage to last weekend. It was just so very crammed full of blogable stuff. But after such a busy weekend, alas, a very busy week.

So I will blog about these events in three parts. Consider the posts "in development", as details will continue to be added as I continue to remember them. It will likely start out more as a stream of thought, rather than any organized type of writing.

So, you may remember I noted I was going to have the "gayest weekend ever", and I did, for the most part. However, Provincetown was slightly toned down by the World Cup Third Place Game, and the France/Italy game definitely affected the Madonna Day (as did the 19 inning Red Sox/White Sox "Event").

Provincetown

Jen, Keri and I met at Long Wharf for the 9 AM high speed ferry from Boston to Provincetown. "Bear Week" was just starting in Provincetown and the ferry passengers reflected this. In fact, some had t-shirts proclaiming it. In my 20+ years of gayness, I did not know such a thing happened. For those not in the know, "Bears" are usually large, hairy men who are darned proud to be that way. The guys who admire them are referred to as "Cubs"? I might be wrong about this, someone please clarify.

As we pulled away from the dock in Boston, the purser announced a welcome to the "Provincetown Bears" and referred to "Bear Week" as "an important cultural event".

The ride down was uneventful. The weather was a bit hazy but not too hot, great for a boat trip. The high speed ferry earns its name though. Go up on deck and you can forget your best hair efforts. Later, Keri would ask me if the guy sitting next to her was gay, and I told her I would not know - I had to shut off my Gaydar because of signal overload on the boat. Of course, this would also be true of Provincetown and the Madonna concert.

I did notice a group of young (high school age) kids who appeared to be on the boat as part of a field trip - they had several chaperones and I realized they were from Europe, but was too far away to know for certain what language they were speaking (more on them later - they feature prominently in Part Two).

I have never taken the boat to P-Town, I have always driven there. P-Town will always be a place that is special to me and David - we have gone down together many times over 17 years and have had some very memorable (and some might say "interesting") experiences there. This was the first time I had ever been to P-Town without him. And given his current health situation, he was on my mind almost the entire time. Coming around the point and entering the harbor was wonderful - what a view! I will definitely take the boat again.

Jeff and his friends from LA were supposed to meet us at the dock when we arrived, but they got into town a little late, so they were running late. We decided that we would go somewhere and sit and get coffee (read "cocktail") while we waited. Basically, P-Town never changes, but one thing did - Cafe Blase is now "the Patio". God Dammit - some things are an institution. Nice Southwestern Chicken Wrap though. Here we meet Jeff and his friends. His friends are all great - totally cool people.

So we basically walked around, got ice cream at Spiritus, I bought a sweatshirt for David and we "took in the sights". Many of these sights had just arrived for Bear Week. Interestingly, there is a registration area for Bear Week. This made me wonder (and discuss with the group) whether there was an organized program, perhaps with seminars and key note speakers? Did they get a welcome bag? What was in the welcome bag? Is there a partners' agenda for the spouses?

I took the afternoon boat back, leaving Jen and Keri to experience T-Dance at the Boat Slip with Jeff and his friends. I really did not want to go to T-Dance without David. I did not tell these guys that specifically, but I think they got it.

But before getting on the boat, we sat on the wharf and had some beers. We watched the Bears arrive and the tweaked out circuit guys leaving. Jeff's friend Chris courteously called out warm welcomes and friendly good-byes to everyone who went by. Then it was my turn to go good bye.....

Waiting in line at the Pirate Museum (yep) to board the return boat, I got stuck among the same group of European kids I mention earlier. This time I can clearly tell where they were from - Italy. And once we boarded and got underway, the TVs came on, and so did the Third Place World Cup Game (Germany vs. Portugal). And that was when a whole new level of fun began.......

... To Be Continued

Next: The World Cup and I collide (and I had been doing so well avoiding it, mostly)

Switching Gears

It's happened to all of us at some point - waiting to take a turn in a busy intersection, only to have the light turn red and being forced to sort of "slink back into position" in reverse.

Well today I get behind a woman trying to make a left turn. The light turns red and suddenly on come her white reverse lights and backwards she comes. I do not even know if she looked first. Fortunately, a quick check of the rear view mirror showed that no one was behind me so I threw the car into reverse and backed up to avoid getting hit (new car syndrome).

I was annoyed - the unexpected tension in my shoulders from the scare was not welcome. After settling down, I noticed that she was still in reverse (those white lights). So, not taking any chances (and still having no one behind me), I throw the car back in reverse and start backing up. When I do this, she looks at me in the rear view mirror and I can see this cluelessly puzzled look on her face. She looked like she was irritated with me and wanted to know why. Well, bitch, you would find out soon enough.

So, the light turns green and sure enough she lurches backwards and slams on her brakes. I had given her like thirty feet of clearance (hence the puzzled look on her face), so nothing actually happened other than her embarrassment.

What could have been a legal matter turned nicely into a laughing matter (for me).

"Boo Creepy Foot Doctor!!"

"Hooray Beer!!"

Updated 7/16 to include link to commercial online....

Has anyone noticed this commercial for Red Stripe Beer? Equal parts disturbing and hysterical.

Pee Wee's Playhouse

This is a Bird Story....

The partner David is obsessed with scouring flea markets, antique stores, yard sales, etc. for all things collectible. There is very little that escapes his interest. One day, he came home with a 24 inch tall talking (and eerily lifelike) Pee Wee Herman doll.

I could not even begin to imagine what we would do with this. However, the answer would appear quickly.

For some reason, Rick the Bird has decided that this Pee Wee Herman doll is his Nemesis, and that he must be destroyed. So we have developed a game. I will take the Pee Wee doll and hold its hands and start "walking" it around the floor while the Bird watches from his cage. He will yell down at it, "Come Here!" and I will start walking the doll away into the kitchen. The Bird goes nuts - he scrambles down the side of his cage and chases the doll across the floor. His little bird feet clicking on the floor and his wings spread out. The whole time he is laughing "Ah, ha, ha - Come Here, Come On".

We will run back and forth to the cage and this will go on for a few minutes, the entire time with the Bird trying to get the doll's feet.

He loves this activity. AND, it tires him out - which makes for a nice early bed time, and some good exercise. Plus, we have also learned that we can use the doll to get him back to his cage when we want to lock him up so we can go out (he knows when we are planning on going out so he hides and it becomes a nightmare finding him).

Just another parenting trick really.

FAB-ulous weekend ahead

Tomorrow I am off to Provincetown with the lovely Jen and Keri on the boat from Boston to meet Jeff from LA. I am boating down for a day of fabulous shopping, lunch and cocktails - then boating back up (the girls are going to rough it with Jeff for Bear Week).

Then Sunday, the partner and I are off to see Madonna at the BankNorth Garden.

What does this tell you?

Gay-est weekend ever.

I will report anything interesting that occurs.

Kara-TAY!

I love this commerical.

It totally cracks me up.

A spell check funny

Just a quick FYI - I find it funny that, in Blogger of all places, when I run spell check the word "Blog" comes up as unknown, You figure that it would be one of the words they would get, right?

Jack

2 Weeks to Madonna!

Getting more and more excited every day.

Those gold dollar coins

Is there anything more annoying than being given those gold dollar coins for change from someplace? You really can't complain, because they are real money. And at the same time, if you try to pay for something with them, you feel weird.

I went to buy a beer at the bar tonight with three of the coins and felt like a Pirate, at a tavern using "pieces of eight" to buy my beer. The bartender gave me that odd look, like " f@ck you for passing those damned gold coins off on me". Of course, that was exactly what I was doing.

UGH - KFC Style

I was having a massive craving today for something greasy, fatty and totally wonderful. So I went to KFC in Dorchester.

This particular KFC has a few things you can always count on:

• They always have a tremendous line
• They never open more than one register for orders
• They are always out of at least one key item

Normally, these things would bother me greatly, but when you get the hankering for some original recipe, you cannot ignore it.

So, I wait forever in line and finally I am almost there - just one guy ahead of me. He gets to the register and - get this - asks ,"so what have you got?".

WHAT?! This is KFC, for Christ sake, not the Four Seasons! And we have been in line for like 20 minutes, with a giant menu on the wall, and stand signs urging you to order their new mashed potato bowl. In fact, there was nothing but information blaring at us about what they have.

Couldn't he have been spending his line waiting time a little more effectively? There is no excuse for this particular fool - at first I thought he was trying to flirt with the cashier, but that was clearly not the case when he asked how much "a side of corn" was, when it was clearly on the menu. He was just blindly idiotic.

People, let's get with this very simple program. If you are in line waiting for service at a commercial establishment, there are a few things to be sure to get straight:

• Have your money out and ready for processing
• If placing an order for goods or services, be prepared to place said order quickly and efficiently
  

Consider the memo received.

Happy Pride Boston!

What to do?

Pride is this weekend and it looks like a washout - at least for the parade and the Fritz Block Party. Maybe the afternoon will be salvaged enough for the Block Party but it is unclear.

I want to be a good gay and go to the parade. But you know what else? I have had a long, hard week at work, and if it is really raining hard in the morning, I want to stay in bed. Hey, I have been to enough Pride celebrations to skip one parade, correct? I need to save up my energy so I can drink at the Block Party!

David and I have been to many Pride Celebrations over the years. David has been Bartender at Chaps and Buddies during many of them and "The Mirror" (predecessor of In Newsweekly) published a photo of us on a swing together during our first Pride. So, if we choose to stay in (David is on chemo, I am just totally stressed), I think we can be forgiven.

However, if debauchery is chosen instead, I will report on it appropriately.

Happy Gay Pride everyone.

Brangelina

David and I watched "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" tonight. It was a much better movie than I was expecting.

I have never been much to follow all the gossip stories about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Certainly I know it all, how can you avoid it? Apparently they hooked up while making this movie, he left one of my all time favorite people Jennifer Aniston and the two promptly made a baby. Other people's personal information blazed all over television - blah, blah, blah.

But I realized something watching this movie - these two belong together. They have chemistry and intensity. What made this movie fun to watch was to watch them banter back and forth. It was great. You can see it in their eyes and the tension between them felt very real.

These two had fun making this movie.

Now maybe this was because I know what happened after the fact. But I do not think so. I do not think I would have enjoyed the movie as much if that part of it had not been so much fun.

New Format

Yeah, introducing new templated format. Blah, blah. Needed a change. As you can see, I spent great amounts of energy and money to put it together for your enjoyment. Comments and suggestions are always welcome.

The Editors

Well, thank God, right?

It looks like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are finally back at it.

Maybe not as the "Best Friends Forever" that we had come to idolize, but at least they have been able to put their differences aside long enough to bring the character building "Simple Life" back to the small screen.

Just in case you have forgotten the immense contributions these two lovely ladies have given to society, you can usually find informative updates at this web site.

Cornish Game Hen

The Partner and I went out to dinner to a favorite local eatery tonight and I decided to tempt fate with the "Cornish Game Hen with Sausage Stuffing".

It was quite good. But I could not help thinking that I was dining on a baby chicken. Now, I know that Game Hens are not little yellow chicks, but it was like an entire mini chicken, roughly the size of a softball. This, was, well, just odd to me. Tasted good though.

When I got home, I promptly told the Bird that I "ate Bird" for dinner.

"The Machinist"

David and I watched "The Machinist" on cable last night. This was a great thriller starring Christian Bale as a machinist who has been suffering from an inability to sleep for over a year, may or may not be hallucinating killer co-workers and has lost like a thousand pounds since his very hot "American Psycho" days.

The movie is good, although patience is required. But the scariest part really is how much weight Bale lost for the movie. He looks horrifying - literally like something out of the holocaust. I remember reading that he actually did crash diet for the role, and then had to put the weight back on for "Batman Begins". Talk about dedication to your work.

Good movie though, highly recommended.

The Bird can whistle the theme song to "Star Trek"

Yes, he really can. And he does it loudly if he wants to get my attention.

Clearly you are a major geek when your bird can whistle "Star Trek" to you. And that he knows it will get your attention.

He is a bird, I told you, right?

Priory of Scion

Let me introduce you to the newest member of my family. He rocks.


My new Scion TC - he rocks

Enough Already!

I never want to hear a news weather person say "we really could use the rain" ever again. Throughout April it was totally dry. Over and over again you would hear it said on the news one way or another:

"We really could use the rain"
"We need some of those April showers"

Well guess what? Careful what you wish for! Any more rain and we will all spontaneously evolve gills I think.

We have enough rain now!

If we were cartoons....

When David and I stopped at Disneyland while visting a friend in LA, he insisted we get a caricature drawn of us. The experience was interesting. We had to sit perfectly still making intense eye contact with a complete stranger while crowds passed by oggling it all and making comments about it (we could not see it until it was done, which took about 30 minutes).



So I guess this is how we would look in a Saturday morning cartoon version of our lives. Of course, the bird is missing, but I am sure that could be easily corrected. David's ears are not really that big either, I swear.

Clinton vs. Bush (2)

As Nelson would say, "Ha Ha!"

This comes as no surprise.

After all, as one particularly intelligent bumper sticker says, "No One Died When Clinton Lied".

Home Alone and Useless

The Partner David has always done the heavy house stuff around here. Not that I cannot do it, but he has always just done it and I have complied. Among these things are the maintenance of the boilers for the heat.

As any of you New Englanders know, we had a beautiful April - warm, sunny and just overall gorgeous. May, so far, has been less than stellar. In fact, this week it has been pretty cold. But David decided to shut off the boilers last weekend. This would not normally be a problem, because if there was a sudden need for heat, he would take care of it.

However, if you see my last entry, David was not around this week. When I got home from the hospital on his first day of chemotherapy (gone at hospital all day), I discovered a very cold home, with a shivering Bird. I realized quickly what was wrong, what I was unsure of how to deal with it.

I went to the basement and sure enough the boilers were not lit. I opened them up (after wrestling with the cover for a bit and losing a screw someplace in the process), and read the instructions. On first pass, they might as well have been in ancient Hebrew. However, on closer examination, I noticed that the main components were numbered. These numbers mapped back to the instructions, very similar to the LCD display on the copy machine at the office telling you where the paper gets jammed. I was hopeful, but when it came time to light the pilot, it would not light. Instead, all I could do was smell gas. Panicked, I decided to abort (and go to bed wearing sweats).

When David was more coherent, he showed me how to light the Pilot. Now, in my defense, the hole to stick in the match is not the same as the one marked in the instructions, and had it been, I would have succeeded.

But it made me realize that I am pretty clueless.

It's theirs to lose...

Let's hope they do not screw this up. Time for us to start getting this country on the right track again and turn around 6 + years of Republican mismanagment, criminal negligence and buffoonery.

The Decider

Excellent email making the rounds (this was forwarded to me by my beloved sister-in-law):

Inspired by the Tuesday 4/18/06 George W Bush quote regarding all of the Rumsfeld noise: I hear the voices and I read the front page and I hear the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what's best..."

"I'm the Decider"
by Roddy McCorley

Well, it took me awhile, but I finally realized what "I'm the decider"
reminds me of. It sounds like something a character in a Dr. Seuss book might say.

So with apologies to the late Mr. Geisel, here is some idle speculation as to what else such a character might say:

THE DECIDER

I'm the decider.
I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats.
And choose among whos.
And as I decide
Each particular day
The things I decide on
All turn out that way.
* I decided on Freedom
For all of Iraq.
And now that we have it,
I'm not looking back.
I decided on tax cuts
That just help the wealthy.
And Medicare changes
That aren't really healthy.
And parklands and wetlands
Who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none
Would be more than enough!
I decided that schools
All in all are the best
The less that they teach
And the more that they test.
I decided those wages
You need to get by
Are much better spent
On some CEO guy.
I decided your Wade
Which was versing your Roe
Is terribly awful
And just has to go.
I decided that levees
Are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come
They can come unimpeded.
That old Constitution?
Well, I have decided
As"just goddam paper"
It should be derided.
I've decided gay marriage
Is icky and weird.
Above all other things,
It's the one to be feared.
And Cheney and Rummy
And Condi all know
That I'm the Decider -
They tell me it's so.
I'm the Decider
So watch what you say
Or I may decide
To have you whisked away.
Or I'll tap your phones.
Your e-mail I'll read.
`cause I'm the Decider -
Like Jesus decreed.
Yes, I'm the Decider
The finest alive
And I'm nuking Iran.
Now watch this drive!

Now that I think about it, Dr. Seuss anticipated this administration
pretty well when he wrote Yertle the Turtle...

Ha Ha!!

Laughing out load at This Blog. Read it and weep. I love sarcastic wit. Especially combined with "gross reality".

70 Days to Madonna

And counting.....

What a Great Weekend!

Not only was the weather beautiful both days (maybe a tad windy yesterday, but still very nice) - but David and I had a wonderful time with the fabulous Jen and her equally fabulous other half Bill at Bonfire on Saturday night. Bill and David are both celebrating their 45th Birthdays and Jen thought it was a great reason for us to get together and blow a lot of money on fabulous food, wine and cocktails.

And man, was she right. That place never disappoints and the company could not have been better. We were a little annoyed because they just redid the menu and no longer offer an unreal potato dish that we loved. But they did have "luscious" mashed potatoes, which I was told by the server was lavished in extra butter and cream. That sounded good to me so I was quickly reassured.

Somehow they figured out there was a birthday going on because David ordered key lime pie for dessert and they served it with a birthday candle. I was a bit taken aback, I mean, who has ever heard of birthday pie? Jen and I chose liquid desserts, namely a vanilla flavored cognac. You never feel truly sophisticated until you have swished cognac around in a snifter.

Of course, we never really need an excuse for good food, wine and cocktails, but sometimes it helps to justify the cost!

Gas Problems

You know, no matter how much they cry about low margins, cost of research, tax burdens, etc., I will NEVER be able to accept the excuses for the big oil companies' need to increase their gas prices.

Somewhere, in all the planning and logic regarding justification of these prices, someone is getting majorly screwed - and it is NOT the people who own stock in these companies. It is the average Joe Schmoe American, who is just trying to get by. But now it seems we are working just to put gas in our cars to get to work.

And now there are members of Congress who want to give us a whole $100 rebate to help us out. You know what? I would rather they just donate it to the research efforts to replace OIL as our primary fuel source.

Oh, I forgot, some people in public office do not want us to replace oil as our primary fuel source.

Officials Arrested Protesting the Sudanese

Usually our elected officials make little difference, or do very little that truly impresses me. However, five members of Congress were arrested today protesting at the Sudanese embassy in Washington. This is impressive.

Why were they protesting and therefore arrested? The Sudanese government is actively engaged in genocide against its own people in the Darfur region. Over 400,000 people innocent people have been brutally killed. For more information, see www.savedarfur.org/home.

It amazes me that this type of stuff can be going on. We are so determined to rid Iraq of Saddam Hussein, but essentially ignore the very obvious atrocities going on elsewhere? If Americans are supposed to be leaders in this world, how do we tolerate this type of stuff?

In 2001, President Bush noted in the margins of a report on the Rwandan genocide, "not on my watch". However, we actually work with the Sudanese government because they have become "allies in the war on terror". Do we really want them as our allies? In a war "against TERROR"? I know I don't.

No one is suggesting war on the Sudan or any American military intervention. But the beleagured African Union troops who are tasked with "observing" the situation can not do anything to help or protect the people. The UN should get involved, with peace keeping forces who are tasked with nothing more than protecting the innocent people from warlords. We (as a nation) need to get more vocal about getting the UN in there.

Fill out the online post card urging the President to make good on his promise. This can be done by going here.

Silk Plants

I prefer fake plants and flowers. Particularly now that they are so real looking. I prefer these because I cannot kill them. I know this because I have had several now for over a year and they still look great. Every REAL plant or flower I have purchased started looking yucky and would die within a few weeks.

Of course, they would not work well at a wake and funeral. There is something about the sweet smell of fresh, live cut flowers that make me think of death. I would not want that to be replaced by fake flowers.

But for other purposes, I prefer silk plants and flowers.

New White House Press Secretary

So Scott McClellan could not take it any more. Not really surprised. How long can you spew forth ridiculousness for a ridiculous man before the life is sucked from you?

Interesting though that his replacement is from FOX News. Very convenient for FOX. After all, they basically just reiterate anything the President says. And at least Tony Snow already knows the drill for FOX, so he can just issue releases exactly as they would have printed them.

Everyone wins! Oh, except the rest of us.

Breakdown Lane

When driving to work each morning, there is one exit from Route 2 in Lexington that takes me onto Route 128 North. Each morning, the traffic that is trying to get onto Route 128 South backs up and blocks the exit going to 128 North, so I inevitably end up in crawl traffic for a short distance until my exit pops up.

There is a break down lane here as well. Many people will decide to bypass waiting in line like good little doobies and just drive down the breakdown lane to get onto the exit. But there is a problem with this treachery. Just before the exit, there is an overpass and a slight turn to the right. Just behind this overpass, a state police officer dutifully waits and makes the drivers in the breakdown lane pull over for punishment (because there is nothing better for him to do). There is no warning and no room to escape (unless you pull a Thelma and Louise). This does not happen every morning, but often enough to know not to take any chances.

This morning, the slow crawl was particularly bad, and as I came to the overpass, I saw the state police officer acting all kinds of authoritative, having pulled over three people already. In my rear view mirror, there was this Cadillac barreling down the breakdown lane, blissfully unaware of what awaited him - arrogantly thinking of how he was blowing us all off. Suddenly, he sees the cop! The directional comes on and he tries to blend back into traffic, but guess what? No one would let him back in. Pissed, he was forced right up to the officer, who dutifully pulled him over - this happened about five cars behind me. I was highly amused as I watched the look on the driver's face. At the same time, it made me worry that such behavior could cause a sudden accident if he tried to force his way back in - thankfully he did not.

The best part of this is that a "No Driving In Breakdown Lane" sign is right there.

Harold and Kumar

Based on fabulous Jen's recommendation, I finally watched "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" last night. Awesome.

The movie is very funny. Between Neil Patrick Harris playing himself as a PNP-ing sex fiend and Chris Meloni as a puss-spewing boil-covered Jesus-loving tow truck driver, the supporting cast is great enough. But the two main characters, your average Asian and Indian-American stoners trying to get a good Burger, totally own this movie. If you have ever had the munchies - this movie is one laugh riot worth catching.

Oh, and if you watch it, be sure to pay attention to the closing credits for additional hilarity.

Easter Ramblings....

How did we go from a guy getting nailed to a cross and dying (reportedly to free us from our own sin), to talking rabbits that deliver candy in a basket?

Ah, yes - the Christianization of the Pagans. Whenever colorful celebration and gaiety are included in Christian holidays, you can be sure that we have the Pagans to thank for it.

Christmas is a great example. When Christianity was growing and becoming dominant in Rome in the third century, the church moved the celebration of Christmas (which was a pretty somber thing back then) so that it would overshadow the Pagan Roman celebration of the Sun. You see, the Catholic Church wanted to squash the Pagan celebrations but there was a problem. This celebration was beloved. During the Celebration of the Sun, the Romans were festive and merry - they ate and drank, sang songs, gave each other gifts and decorated their houses and the trees (sound familiar?). The church allowed these traditions to carry onto Christmas so that the Pagans would adopt it more willingly. Over time, the distinction was lost.

As for Easter? Well, that is the Pagan celebration of fertility that was to be squashed. Those damned Pagans were having too much fun - they had the gall to actually associate the rebirth of the Spring with fertility - so sexuality and fertility were celebrated. The Church could have none of that. So what image can best quell any thoughts of sexuality and fertility? A man being nailed to a cross, that's what - so the church made sure Easter sits on top of this holiday. I'm sure the rabbit and the treats are tied in there somewhere.

Ponder that while eating chocolate eggs tomorrow.

Bastards!

I recently misplaced my ATM card. It will probably turn up, but rather than take a chance, I decided to report it missing and have a new one issued.

So after going through the whole process, I am told it will take "7-10 business days" to receive my replacement card. Talk about inconvenient. Now I actually have to go to the bank and interact with someone to get my money. That is so 20th century (as is taking 7-10 business days to get my replacement card).

So, the very next day I log into my bank account to do some online bill paying and what do I see? A $7.00 fee for "replacement card". Well, that took no time did it? So how come I have to wait so long for a replacement card that I have already paid for?

Now I would make a stink about this, but this bank is generally pretty good, is very gay friendly and actually has real free checking. So I will hold my tongue and just quietly say to myself, "Bastards!".

Uh oh

I just heard something in the other room smash, and the Partner is yelling at The Bird. The Bird must have knocked a precious cookie jar or something off the counter.

Details later.

Spring has Sprung

Wow, it really looks like Spring has arrived. I know this because I have a runny nose, my eyes are killing me and my sinuses ache. But I am loving it anyway.

You know we had a wimpy winter really - the ground never really froze and that is why all the flora are springing up all over the place. We are at least three weeks ahead of schedule on the birth of flowers and leaves.

Despite the early onset of allergies, I am not complaining - bring it on.

The Madonna-fication of Me

I have been a Madonna fan since her very first album, since I was in High School.

However, I have only seen her once before in concert. That was a sunny July day in 1987, with my dear friends Jeff and Sue during the "Who's That Girl?" tour at Foxboro Stadium. We had a great time. I have listened faithfully since then, but have not been back to see her in person.

That is about to change. Prompted by the very same Jeff, I bought two tickets for the July 9 show on her upcoming tour at the BankNorth Garden (Fleet Center) in Boston. This will be especially nice because the Partner is a big Madonna fan as well and July 9 will be our 17th anniversary.

Side Note: Did you know you can actually see the view from your
seats in advance by going to the venue website and choosing the flash tour and entering your seat numbers? Coooolllll....

So, in preparation I downloaded "Confessions on a Dance Floor" to my iPod, strapped it on and listed to it during an particularly effective 45 minutes on the elliptical at the gym! There is only one word for this album - brilliant.

And I am going to see it performed live!

Thanks Jeff for lighting a fire under my ass!

Death Penalty for Zacarias Moussaoui?

Does anyone else feel that the death penalty for Zacarias Moussaoui is not really an appropriate punishment?

I am not a fan of the death penalty but am also not opposed to it. But in this case, I think it is clear that he wants it. To him, and others like him, this is his chance to become a martyr and motivate other terrorists. Life in prison, American prison, seems like a better actual punishment. Solitary confinement type of prison, you know, like where they stashed the Unabomber. A place where he cannot speak out or be seen. But he can waste away for 50 years or so.

That seems more appropriate.

Idiots!

In this day and age, you would think even the most stupid would know not to do this.

But apparently not. Do you remember right after 9/11 one of the things everyone was concerned with was the water supply? Well these idiots apparently did not remember that. Or maybe they thought people would not worry about this now?

I remember hearing about the discovery of this break-in on the news this morning as I got ready for work, and while listening to the newscasters talking about how the local authorities were treating this suspiciously and taking all the proper precautions, I just knew it would end up being dumb kids.

And haven't they seen enough made for Lifetime movies starring Meredith Baxter and/or Markie Post by now not to go running around blabbing about it at school the next day?

Idiots!

Cross-walk Signals

Sometimes I think these are only a box with a button that is not really connected to anything that will change the traffic lights. These are the times when I am waiting at a cross walk and trying to cross the street.

Other times I am sure that they work as we are told they do. This is when I am driving, trying to get somewhere quickly and all four ways at an intersection are at red because Of the "Walk" light someone requested.

But the only thing that really annoys me about these things, are the people who walk up to them, press the button to get the walk light, and then do not wait for it, they run across the street against traffic anyway. This leaves us stuck at another four way red light with no one actually crossing the street.

Kind of a waste of a thing if you ask me, these cross walks usually have an interval timed light anyway.

Good Post

I like Daily Kos alot, being the fairly liberal minded person that I am. But this post sums up much of what I have been feeling recently, but have not fully said.

Anyone who might read here knows how I feel about President Bush and his ingorant administration. But this post really expresses it better than I ever could.

What do you think?

Two years ago, I quit smoking. It was a personal choice, not influenced by any other person. I was surprised how easy it was. I did this, even though I live full time with a smoker, and he continues to smoke.

I have never pushed for him to quit, the only two things I have asked is that he does not smoke in the bedroom, or in my car. These are the only restrictions I have asked for. However, he still does it, and that makes me mad. When I complain, he dismisses my complaints as my "making a big deal out of nothing".

Am I wrong in making these requests? After two years of not smoking, cigarette smoke has started to bother me in close quarters, and I can smell it for days. If he borrows my car, I know if he smoked in it, even if he says he did not.

Am I making too big a deal out of this?

"Its my Birthday and I want a Bloodfeast!"

"Party Monster" is a great movie. What I refer to as a great CABLE movie. The kind you can watch over and over again and still enjoy. It has some great lines and the actors who play the major rolls are very good in them.

Memorable lines:

Michael (Mess #1) to James: "Would I lie to you James?"
James (in response): "Yes! All the time!"

Mess # 2 to James: "Oh the drugs are just a sideline. A profitable one" (you have to see that one to appreciate it).

James to Michael: "Make sure you are always on the right. That way, in the picture you are on the left and the caption will read 'James St. James' and blah, blah, blah".

James to Dallas show promoter: "Show? We don't have a show. We don't do anything".

Michael, with Gitzy: "It's my birthday and I want a bloodfeast".

There are so many good lines in this movie it would be impossible to list them all. Oh, and the costumes are outrageous. But what makes this whole story impossibly absurd is the fact that it is based on a true story.

I was just coming out to the Boston clubs when all this was going down in NYC - I do not remember hearing about any of it, but do enjoy watching the movie about it!

The Simple Things

We just got a new vanity, sink and medicine cabinet, as well as tile floor, in my bathroom. You'd think I got a new car. You realize you are getting older when you get so excited about these things. Other things I find myself excited about that would have bored me 20 years ago:

• New Sheets (600-1000 thread count only).
• New vacuum cleaner (it has a pivot!).
• Lazy Susan for my television (now I can lightly swing it around to view it while dusting the curio cabinet).
• Curios for the curio cabinet (don't ask).
• New silverware (we finally replaced our college-era mismatched stuff with all new matching heavy duty stuff!).
• Stainless steel bathroom accessories.

And the ultimate insult came yesterday. I went to Microcenter to buy some things I needed for work. Ten years ago, I would have come out of there with all kinds of electronics and computer toys that I did not need and could not afford. Yesterday I wandered the aisles and realized I had everything I wanted, and was more interested in getting back to my new bathroom!

At least I still like to go out and drink!

Quick Bird Update

I have been so busy with work I hardly post any more. But I need to give you a funny Bird Update.

I have mentioned before that the Bird, Rick the Parrot, loves to find funny hiding places and "nest". The partner has been doing some work on our home and he recently opened a crawl space under the eves of the front room to build some storage cabinets. The bird, recently clipped to stop him from flying and perching up on the ceiling fan, discovered an opening that allows him in under the eaves of the roof.

How do we know this? The other day I come home from work and the Bird is missing, but when I call him I hear him whistle - so I know he is around somewhere, the place is a construction mess, but I am sure he is OK.

About an hour later I am sitting on the couch when all of a sudden the Bird starts calling me - "Jack!", "Jack?!" (this ability was picked up from David constantly yelling "Jack!" for almost 17 years). So I look all over the place and wonder where it is coming from when I realize the Bird is inside the wall. So, I open up the crawl space, shine in the flashlight and there he is, complete with a towel he dragged in there to cuddle (he likes to cuddle a towel, maybe some day I will post a pic).

Anyway, I coaxed him out and sealed the opening he used - he then proceeded to be a bratty child who was pissed I had taken away his little fort.

God, I never though I would have to child proof my home.

Why I love Tony

This Sunday, an American icon returns....


Tony Soprano rocks

I am not a big mafia story fan. Although I loved the drama of the first two Godfather movies, I was never very interested in other stories.

And for that reason, I avoided "The Sopranos" furor of 1998/1999. It was everywhere - the first two seasons of "The Sopranos" had taken the world by storm and the world was getting ready for season three. It was everywhere - photos in TV Guide and other magazines made it impossible to avoid. And one Sunday night I was flipping through the channels looking for something to watch and then, boom, there it was.

I knew it was "The Sopranos" - I had never seen it, but I knew. So, I started to watch. And, like many others, I was caught.

This show is NOT a mafia story. It is not a crime story. It is an old fashioned story, about a family and its interpersonal realtions. The characters just happen to be in the mafia.

We watch these mobsters deal with the events in their lives - and we often forget who we are dealing with, until Tony suddenly shoots a kid he has hostage with the zeal of a ten year old killing ants using the sun and a magnifying glass.

Regardless, it is one of the best shows on TV in recent years, and it comes so rarely. I am tickled pink knowing that I have four months to enjoy it.

Oh Slobadon, we hardly knew ye..

Or maybe we knew ye too well.

Evil doer Slobadon Milosevic died today, exactly how is unknown. His war crimes trial was not completed, and I guess the world will never get full closure on his evil.

But he is dead, and like with the Hitlers, Stalins and Pol Pots of the world, all I can say is "good fu&*ing riddance!".

Good Stuff

It seems some people know what's good for this country after all. It would be nice to see this actually happen, as this President truly deserves to be impeached.

Not in my Clam Bake

This new lobsterish thing is kinda weird. I keep thinking of the "lobstrosities" from the Dark Tower books by Stephen King.


the "lobstrosity"

Being from New England, it is Maine lobster or nothing for my clam bakes.

I'm a Geek

And not because of my leaning towards all things computer. In a moment of nostalgic weakness, I ordered up the DVDs of the original "Battlestar Galactica" and "Lost in Space". It is possible that this moment of nostalgic weakness was fueled by wine and enabled via internet access.

Remember that:

"Credit card + Internet access + Wine = Debt"

Both of these shows are true camp sci-fi, but I love them anyway. Being able to hear Dr. Smith yell, "bubbling Booby" at the robot at any moment tickles my fancy so much.

And to make matters worse, I already have the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD, as well as some of Star Trek the Next Generation.

I guess I am just a hopeless Geek.

Chinese Food and the forces of evil

Why is it that every time I get Chinese food and have to drive home with it, that all the forces of evil conspire to prevent a timely homecoming?

Every red light, every little old lady crossing the street with a walker, every racing fire engine, every mother duck with her family of ducklings - everything that can happen to slow my progress does.

This, of course, is coupled with the fact that the Chinese food is filling my car with its sweet aromas and making me practically drool.

"The Ring 2"

Just what you all need, a very late movie review:

"The Ring" was one of those rare horror movies - actually scary, with an original story idea. I love those (like "the Grudge" and "Saw", movies that were actually better than you expect). Unfortunately, successful movies prompt sequels. Rarely are they as good as the original, usually they are pretty lame.

Such was the case with "Ring 2". I was happy that the lovely Naomi Watts returns, but the story was just boring. And they never fully explain how the deaths from the supernatural videotape keep happening. I was mostly bored, never really scared but stuck with it to the end hoping that something would make sense. Even a somewhat inspired appearance by Sissy Spacek could not help.