Provincetown, Madonna, the World Cup, 19 Innings, et al... Part Three

Continued from Part Two:

By the time I get home Saturday night, I am exhausted. David and I just crashed on the couch, I opened some wine, and we watched "Dirty Jobs" on the Discovery Channel. That show is like a car crash, it's gross but you cannot look away.

Sunday morning I get a nice long sleep in. Since I got to bed reasonably early the night before, I was able to sleep long, but still get up at a reasonable hour - this is a good thing.

My Madonna Sunday

I start this wonderful Sunday off (it was beautiful out), by going to the gym. I figure I need it after a day of debauchery in PTown and want to look my best for her highness, the Material Girl, right?

So, some morning gym and errands, gets me home just in time to find on TV, what else, the World Cup final game. Ugh. So, now after spending the day Saturday dealing with it, I decide - what the hell, let it play in the background while I do some house work. But unlike the Germany/Portugal game - this one was more interesting. I wonder what my Italian friends are doing - how are they spending this afternoon separated from home? Anyway, all my interest wanes quickly when I realize how endless overtime is in Soccer, and that in the end a bunch of penalty kicks can actually determine it all. Whatever. I did run out and get Chinese Food though, which was fun.

Oh, and before I forget, this day was the David and my 17th anniversary. I mention to the Bird (who was with David when I first met him) that it was my Bird anniversary as well. I have lived with David and Rick longer than with anyone else in my life, including members of my own family. That says alot. It still feels like yesterday that we met and went on that first date. To put it in perspective, on that day - July 9, 1989, we went to see Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson in "Batman" (yes, the original one) when it was first out in the theatres. That was our first date. God we are old.

In the 17 years we have been together, one thing has always been constant - David is always late. I learned long ago to add 30 minutes to any amount of time we need to get ready to be anywhere.

As I am watching television and the news comes on it tells me two things. First, the predominantly Italian North End of Boston is going crazy due to the World Cup. Second, the Red Sox are still battling the White Sox in the 11th inning. Great. Due to this, I decide two things. First, we will take the subway to the concert and forego the car, and second, I do not want to watch the end of the Sox game.

Naturally we are running late - getting to the subway and then to the Garden right at 8. We run for some drinks and pray we are not too late. We are not. Everyone is loitering around outside and getting drinks. In the background, I see the Sox game is on the TV and I ask a guy - who won? (figuring it was long over by now). He responds with a sneer, "what do you mean who won? They are still playing". Ass. And wow - 19 innings - suddenly I am interested, but, well, Madonna and all. So off we went to find our seats. I would have to read the sad Papelboner story another time (by the way, I hear from a friend of mine he ran into Papelbon's parents while racing home from that very game - small world).

Before this, I had never been in the Banknorth Garden. This Garden is nothing like the old Garden. The old Garden had character and spirit - the new one is generic and bland. We had top row balcony seats, which are really, really way the hell up there. I felt like I was being guided by a Sherpa to get to them - we briefly stopped at base camp for oxygen and medical assistance then continued on.

I love Madonna, but did she have to make us wait 45 minutes? I mean, we all make a reasonable effort to show up on time and all. The concert was excellent. Probably the best stage show I have ever seen (including "The Lion King", which was fantastic.) There was this guy in front of us though, who kept screaming "Yeah!! Yeah!!" at the top of his lungs and pumping his fists in the air. I really wanted to punch his face in. I wondered whether or not he was tripping and thought he was at a Celtics game instead. I mean, he wasn't even singing or anything - just yelling "Yeah!!", like he was watching an orgy. Maybe seeing Her is his equivalent. His voice eventually gave way though, thankfully.

Afterwards we walked through the city and it was a beautiful night. Lots of pseudo-Italians roaming the streets screaming "Italy" at the top of their lungs and flying the Italian flag.

All in all, I must say, quite the weekend.

"Kyle XY"

Anyone else loving this new show?


"Kyle XY" airs Mondays on ABC Family and Fridays on ABC Standard.

Over the past few years, summer has started to become a great time for new TV shows. Cable, of course, has made this easier - with it providing most of the best shows.

Between USA, which has given us "The 4400" (awesome), "Monk", "Dead Zone" and "Psych", and this, I keep the DVR busier than during the regular TV season.

I hope "Kyle XY" is picked up after this season, Part "X-Files", part "Roswell", and hugely part "Lost", the show is very intriguing and well acted. The central family unit may be just a tad too Disney for my taste (admittedly updated to the 21st century), but I like them anyway.

I do hope he is NOT an alien though - that is too over done.

Condi's Roman Holiday

Why does she always look so mean? Does she ever smile? I guess I wouldn't either if I worked for "him".


So Condi flew to the Middle East and made one of those famous Bush Admin "surprise visits" to a combat area. This time, Beirut. She then flew off to Rome to discuss the current crisis in Lebanon with other world leaders.

I would almost like to be a fly on the wall at these types of meetings. When the US participates, how do they behave? Especially this administration?

Afterwards she states that there must be an "enduring peace". OK, sounds great. I am fairly sure we all want that. But when has there ever been one in the Middle East? It reminds me of the cliche of the Beauty Pageant contestants saying they want "World Peace". Do American state department officials truly believe they can go to these meetings and dictate how the others should behave? Especially now when our credibility as a World Leader has been so incredibly destroyed during the past few years.

My heart and sympathies goes out to all the innocent Israeli and Lebanese citizens who have been killed or hurt during this current situation. But, I think the Bush Administration's best contribution to the situation would be to stay the hell out.

Jerk of the Week, Part 2

Michael Brown (aka "Brownie"), disgraced former FEMA Director and current Idiot.



This guy is a damned fool. He almost faded away into obscurity but then he makes this ridiculous comment? This just exemplifies the type of people the Bush Administration likes to surround itself with, I guess.

It's going to be a long two years.

Jerk of the Week, Part 1

Joe Lieberman, "Democrat" from Connecticut:



This senator has betrayed the Democratic Party, and could very soon do the same to the voters of his home state. Facing a real challenge in the democratic primary on August 8 by Ned Lamont, Lieberman has actually decided that he may run as an independent candidate in the general election if he loses the primary.

This essentially means that he will be telling the voters in the democratic primary that he does not respect their choice. He is telling them to screw. Remember what a primary is - it is the time for the members of a political party to come together and decide who their candidate will be in the general election. Talk about sore loser.

This should probably not be a surprise. He is Bush's biggest supporter in the democratic party, supporting the Iraq war and being called "my favorite democrat" by Idiot-In-Chief himself.

I hope that the voters of CT see he is not good for their state or our country. Lieberman needs to be sent home. He is clearly not serving his constituents' needs at this point, he is only serving his own.

Provincetown, Madonna, the World Cup, 19 Innings, et al... Part Two

Continued from Part One:

I board the boat from Provincetown to Boston, behind the young Italian exchange students, and reclaim the same seat I came down on - which was directly behind where the Italians decided to sit this time (better to see the television).

We get underway. It is a beautiful afternoon, but I am tired from the day (and several cocktails), so I decide to nap. As I comfy down, the purser on the boat comes out and turns on the TVs. Soccer appears to be the order of the day, and the Italians perk up quickly.

I was not going to nap.

The Ride Home and the World Cup

First off, let me start out by saying I was not living on another planet during the month of June. I might be completely clueless when it comes to soccer, but I was not unaware of the events happening in Germany that seemed to be all over the news. The thing I did not know, was just how long this damned thing was. Every weekend, there was another "big game", and I always thought that the game du jour being hyped was the final game (Germany vs. Brazil, France vs. Britain, Snakistan vs. Fritolaysia, etc.) - it just never seemed to want to end.

There is a nice Brazilian guy at my gym I always chat with. He would always say something to me along the lines of "what a game this weekend, ha?" - I always just kind of smiled and pretended to know the details. So throughout this process, I am always thinking the wrong teams are in the "finals" - Germany and Britain or someone from South America (not the US of course).

It was the morning I left for PTown that I finally got it straight. I am rarely up for the morning news on Saturdays, but I had to get to the boat, so I had it on. I hear that Italy and France will be in the World Cup "Finals". I say, "it's STILL going on?". I decide to go to my old friend the internet and finally get this right. Sure enough, it would be France and Italy. Whatever.

But back to the boat. It is the end of the fabulous day in PTown now and I am pretty drained (a few Mike's Hard Lemonades on the dock did not hurt this situation).

I am intrigued by the group of Italian students. They are obviously on some foreign exchange program. When I was about their age (I was guessing 17), I also went on an exchange program, spending my summer in Southern Germany with a host family along with about 20 other students from my High School. It was a wonderful time in my life that I will never forget and it carried forward to my returning for university studies there later in life (I spent a great deal of time there). So I am thinking about the situation that these kids must be in, and envying them a bit.

As soon as the boat pulls out of PTown, the TVs come on and now there is soccer - Germany vs. Portugal. I am instantly confused. I try to remember what I had actually "confirmed" in the morning. It was my impression that France and Italy were playing, but that the game was the following day. I decide that I am clearly not with it in soccer related issues. However, I soon realize while watching the game that this game is for "Third Place" (and hence, fourth place as well). Suddenly it makes sense, and I am interested. I decide quickly that Germany is my favorite, due to my experience living there.

Now the Italian kids perk up - they all collect in front of the televisions and start getting loud. Their Italian is not pure Italian - it almost seems like Swiss Italian, and it has a very strong Germanic dialect/accent. I begin to wonder if they are from Switzerland when suddenly a promo comes on for the final game the next day and when the Italian team is shown, they go wild - No question, they are from Italy.

I am amused by their reactions to the events in the Germany/Portugal game, they seem to favor the Portuguese. And so, I end up sitting and watching the game - or probably more accurately, watching the Italians watching the game. Their excitement for the next day clearly obvious in any language. It brought me back to a day not that long ago - in October, 2004 (I'll let you all figure that one out).

The ride back to Boston was beautiful, the view crystal clear and the wind was warm on deck. I occasionally went out to see. But mostly, I watched the World Cup.

... To Be Continued

Next: While Running to catch The Material Girl, I get caught by the 19th inning! (oh, and I watch Italy and France too)

My Apologies

I have been so totally busy at work and have not posted. I have a massive work project starting next week which will consume ten straight days (including Sat and Sun), so I am taking a few days off this week to rest up. I want to bring as much of the bloggable stuff up to date as I can while I have a little time.

So, without further diversion, I bring you the "Ptown/Madonna/World Cup/19 Innings" post trilogy, in its entirety (and maybe some other things too) ....

Great Site

Parts 2 and 3 of the PTown/Madonna bonanza weekend are coming, but craziness prevents me from doing any writing! David had surgery this week (he is doing well), and work has been particularly busy, with several projects coming to a head (but vacation is coming soon).

In the meantime, enjoy this great site. Be sure to watch the whole intro, and inside the site check out the "What People Are Saying" video. It is quite good and more importantly, it really does bring the whole question of whether people "choose" to be gay to the simple question of "well, when did you choose to be straight?". That is a question I have put to homophobes for years, and their answers are always bumbling, feeble grabs for words.

Enjoy the site!

Happy Bastille Day!

Love,

Jack

Provincetown, Madonna, the World Cup, 19 Innings, et al... Part One

I owe some very serious bloggage to last weekend. It was just so very crammed full of blogable stuff. But after such a busy weekend, alas, a very busy week.

So I will blog about these events in three parts. Consider the posts "in development", as details will continue to be added as I continue to remember them. It will likely start out more as a stream of thought, rather than any organized type of writing.

So, you may remember I noted I was going to have the "gayest weekend ever", and I did, for the most part. However, Provincetown was slightly toned down by the World Cup Third Place Game, and the France/Italy game definitely affected the Madonna Day (as did the 19 inning Red Sox/White Sox "Event").

Provincetown

Jen, Keri and I met at Long Wharf for the 9 AM high speed ferry from Boston to Provincetown. "Bear Week" was just starting in Provincetown and the ferry passengers reflected this. In fact, some had t-shirts proclaiming it. In my 20+ years of gayness, I did not know such a thing happened. For those not in the know, "Bears" are usually large, hairy men who are darned proud to be that way. The guys who admire them are referred to as "Cubs"? I might be wrong about this, someone please clarify.

As we pulled away from the dock in Boston, the purser announced a welcome to the "Provincetown Bears" and referred to "Bear Week" as "an important cultural event".

The ride down was uneventful. The weather was a bit hazy but not too hot, great for a boat trip. The high speed ferry earns its name though. Go up on deck and you can forget your best hair efforts. Later, Keri would ask me if the guy sitting next to her was gay, and I told her I would not know - I had to shut off my Gaydar because of signal overload on the boat. Of course, this would also be true of Provincetown and the Madonna concert.

I did notice a group of young (high school age) kids who appeared to be on the boat as part of a field trip - they had several chaperones and I realized they were from Europe, but was too far away to know for certain what language they were speaking (more on them later - they feature prominently in Part Two).

I have never taken the boat to P-Town, I have always driven there. P-Town will always be a place that is special to me and David - we have gone down together many times over 17 years and have had some very memorable (and some might say "interesting") experiences there. This was the first time I had ever been to P-Town without him. And given his current health situation, he was on my mind almost the entire time. Coming around the point and entering the harbor was wonderful - what a view! I will definitely take the boat again.

Jeff and his friends from LA were supposed to meet us at the dock when we arrived, but they got into town a little late, so they were running late. We decided that we would go somewhere and sit and get coffee (read "cocktail") while we waited. Basically, P-Town never changes, but one thing did - Cafe Blase is now "the Patio". God Dammit - some things are an institution. Nice Southwestern Chicken Wrap though. Here we meet Jeff and his friends. His friends are all great - totally cool people.

So we basically walked around, got ice cream at Spiritus, I bought a sweatshirt for David and we "took in the sights". Many of these sights had just arrived for Bear Week. Interestingly, there is a registration area for Bear Week. This made me wonder (and discuss with the group) whether there was an organized program, perhaps with seminars and key note speakers? Did they get a welcome bag? What was in the welcome bag? Is there a partners' agenda for the spouses?

I took the afternoon boat back, leaving Jen and Keri to experience T-Dance at the Boat Slip with Jeff and his friends. I really did not want to go to T-Dance without David. I did not tell these guys that specifically, but I think they got it.

But before getting on the boat, we sat on the wharf and had some beers. We watched the Bears arrive and the tweaked out circuit guys leaving. Jeff's friend Chris courteously called out warm welcomes and friendly good-byes to everyone who went by. Then it was my turn to go good bye.....

Waiting in line at the Pirate Museum (yep) to board the return boat, I got stuck among the same group of European kids I mention earlier. This time I can clearly tell where they were from - Italy. And once we boarded and got underway, the TVs came on, and so did the Third Place World Cup Game (Germany vs. Portugal). And that was when a whole new level of fun began.......

... To Be Continued

Next: The World Cup and I collide (and I had been doing so well avoiding it, mostly)

Switching Gears

It's happened to all of us at some point - waiting to take a turn in a busy intersection, only to have the light turn red and being forced to sort of "slink back into position" in reverse.

Well today I get behind a woman trying to make a left turn. The light turns red and suddenly on come her white reverse lights and backwards she comes. I do not even know if she looked first. Fortunately, a quick check of the rear view mirror showed that no one was behind me so I threw the car into reverse and backed up to avoid getting hit (new car syndrome).

I was annoyed - the unexpected tension in my shoulders from the scare was not welcome. After settling down, I noticed that she was still in reverse (those white lights). So, not taking any chances (and still having no one behind me), I throw the car back in reverse and start backing up. When I do this, she looks at me in the rear view mirror and I can see this cluelessly puzzled look on her face. She looked like she was irritated with me and wanted to know why. Well, bitch, you would find out soon enough.

So, the light turns green and sure enough she lurches backwards and slams on her brakes. I had given her like thirty feet of clearance (hence the puzzled look on her face), so nothing actually happened other than her embarrassment.

What could have been a legal matter turned nicely into a laughing matter (for me).

"Boo Creepy Foot Doctor!!"

"Hooray Beer!!"

Updated 7/16 to include link to commercial online....

Has anyone noticed this commercial for Red Stripe Beer? Equal parts disturbing and hysterical.

Pee Wee's Playhouse

This is a Bird Story....

The partner David is obsessed with scouring flea markets, antique stores, yard sales, etc. for all things collectible. There is very little that escapes his interest. One day, he came home with a 24 inch tall talking (and eerily lifelike) Pee Wee Herman doll.

I could not even begin to imagine what we would do with this. However, the answer would appear quickly.

For some reason, Rick the Bird has decided that this Pee Wee Herman doll is his Nemesis, and that he must be destroyed. So we have developed a game. I will take the Pee Wee doll and hold its hands and start "walking" it around the floor while the Bird watches from his cage. He will yell down at it, "Come Here!" and I will start walking the doll away into the kitchen. The Bird goes nuts - he scrambles down the side of his cage and chases the doll across the floor. His little bird feet clicking on the floor and his wings spread out. The whole time he is laughing "Ah, ha, ha - Come Here, Come On".

We will run back and forth to the cage and this will go on for a few minutes, the entire time with the Bird trying to get the doll's feet.

He loves this activity. AND, it tires him out - which makes for a nice early bed time, and some good exercise. Plus, we have also learned that we can use the doll to get him back to his cage when we want to lock him up so we can go out (he knows when we are planning on going out so he hides and it becomes a nightmare finding him).

Just another parenting trick really.

FAB-ulous weekend ahead

Tomorrow I am off to Provincetown with the lovely Jen and Keri on the boat from Boston to meet Jeff from LA. I am boating down for a day of fabulous shopping, lunch and cocktails - then boating back up (the girls are going to rough it with Jeff for Bear Week).

Then Sunday, the partner and I are off to see Madonna at the BankNorth Garden.

What does this tell you?

Gay-est weekend ever.

I will report anything interesting that occurs.

Kara-TAY!

I love this commerical.

It totally cracks me up.

A spell check funny

Just a quick FYI - I find it funny that, in Blogger of all places, when I run spell check the word "Blog" comes up as unknown, You figure that it would be one of the words they would get, right?

Jack

2 Weeks to Madonna!

Getting more and more excited every day.

Those gold dollar coins

Is there anything more annoying than being given those gold dollar coins for change from someplace? You really can't complain, because they are real money. And at the same time, if you try to pay for something with them, you feel weird.

I went to buy a beer at the bar tonight with three of the coins and felt like a Pirate, at a tavern using "pieces of eight" to buy my beer. The bartender gave me that odd look, like " f@ck you for passing those damned gold coins off on me". Of course, that was exactly what I was doing.

UGH - KFC Style

I was having a massive craving today for something greasy, fatty and totally wonderful. So I went to KFC in Dorchester.

This particular KFC has a few things you can always count on:

• They always have a tremendous line
• They never open more than one register for orders
• They are always out of at least one key item

Normally, these things would bother me greatly, but when you get the hankering for some original recipe, you cannot ignore it.

So, I wait forever in line and finally I am almost there - just one guy ahead of me. He gets to the register and - get this - asks ,"so what have you got?".

WHAT?! This is KFC, for Christ sake, not the Four Seasons! And we have been in line for like 20 minutes, with a giant menu on the wall, and stand signs urging you to order their new mashed potato bowl. In fact, there was nothing but information blaring at us about what they have.

Couldn't he have been spending his line waiting time a little more effectively? There is no excuse for this particular fool - at first I thought he was trying to flirt with the cashier, but that was clearly not the case when he asked how much "a side of corn" was, when it was clearly on the menu. He was just blindly idiotic.

People, let's get with this very simple program. If you are in line waiting for service at a commercial establishment, there are a few things to be sure to get straight:

• Have your money out and ready for processing
• If placing an order for goods or services, be prepared to place said order quickly and efficiently
  

Consider the memo received.

Happy Pride Boston!

What to do?

Pride is this weekend and it looks like a washout - at least for the parade and the Fritz Block Party. Maybe the afternoon will be salvaged enough for the Block Party but it is unclear.

I want to be a good gay and go to the parade. But you know what else? I have had a long, hard week at work, and if it is really raining hard in the morning, I want to stay in bed. Hey, I have been to enough Pride celebrations to skip one parade, correct? I need to save up my energy so I can drink at the Block Party!

David and I have been to many Pride Celebrations over the years. David has been Bartender at Chaps and Buddies during many of them and "The Mirror" (predecessor of In Newsweekly) published a photo of us on a swing together during our first Pride. So, if we choose to stay in (David is on chemo, I am just totally stressed), I think we can be forgiven.

However, if debauchery is chosen instead, I will report on it appropriately.

Happy Gay Pride everyone.

Brangelina

David and I watched "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" tonight. It was a much better movie than I was expecting.

I have never been much to follow all the gossip stories about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Certainly I know it all, how can you avoid it? Apparently they hooked up while making this movie, he left one of my all time favorite people Jennifer Aniston and the two promptly made a baby. Other people's personal information blazed all over television - blah, blah, blah.

But I realized something watching this movie - these two belong together. They have chemistry and intensity. What made this movie fun to watch was to watch them banter back and forth. It was great. You can see it in their eyes and the tension between them felt very real.

These two had fun making this movie.

Now maybe this was because I know what happened after the fact. But I do not think so. I do not think I would have enjoyed the movie as much if that part of it had not been so much fun.

New Format

Yeah, introducing new templated format. Blah, blah. Needed a change. As you can see, I spent great amounts of energy and money to put it together for your enjoyment. Comments and suggestions are always welcome.

The Editors

Well, thank God, right?

It looks like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are finally back at it.

Maybe not as the "Best Friends Forever" that we had come to idolize, but at least they have been able to put their differences aside long enough to bring the character building "Simple Life" back to the small screen.

Just in case you have forgotten the immense contributions these two lovely ladies have given to society, you can usually find informative updates at this web site.

Cornish Game Hen

The Partner and I went out to dinner to a favorite local eatery tonight and I decided to tempt fate with the "Cornish Game Hen with Sausage Stuffing".

It was quite good. But I could not help thinking that I was dining on a baby chicken. Now, I know that Game Hens are not little yellow chicks, but it was like an entire mini chicken, roughly the size of a softball. This, was, well, just odd to me. Tasted good though.

When I got home, I promptly told the Bird that I "ate Bird" for dinner.

"The Machinist"

David and I watched "The Machinist" on cable last night. This was a great thriller starring Christian Bale as a machinist who has been suffering from an inability to sleep for over a year, may or may not be hallucinating killer co-workers and has lost like a thousand pounds since his very hot "American Psycho" days.

The movie is good, although patience is required. But the scariest part really is how much weight Bale lost for the movie. He looks horrifying - literally like something out of the holocaust. I remember reading that he actually did crash diet for the role, and then had to put the weight back on for "Batman Begins". Talk about dedication to your work.

Good movie though, highly recommended.

The Bird can whistle the theme song to "Star Trek"

Yes, he really can. And he does it loudly if he wants to get my attention.

Clearly you are a major geek when your bird can whistle "Star Trek" to you. And that he knows it will get your attention.

He is a bird, I told you, right?

Priory of Scion

Let me introduce you to the newest member of my family. He rocks.


My new Scion TC - he rocks

Enough Already!

I never want to hear a news weather person say "we really could use the rain" ever again. Throughout April it was totally dry. Over and over again you would hear it said on the news one way or another:

"We really could use the rain"
"We need some of those April showers"

Well guess what? Careful what you wish for! Any more rain and we will all spontaneously evolve gills I think.

We have enough rain now!

If we were cartoons....

When David and I stopped at Disneyland while visting a friend in LA, he insisted we get a caricature drawn of us. The experience was interesting. We had to sit perfectly still making intense eye contact with a complete stranger while crowds passed by oggling it all and making comments about it (we could not see it until it was done, which took about 30 minutes).



So I guess this is how we would look in a Saturday morning cartoon version of our lives. Of course, the bird is missing, but I am sure that could be easily corrected. David's ears are not really that big either, I swear.

Clinton vs. Bush (2)

As Nelson would say, "Ha Ha!"

This comes as no surprise.

After all, as one particularly intelligent bumper sticker says, "No One Died When Clinton Lied".

Home Alone and Useless

The Partner David has always done the heavy house stuff around here. Not that I cannot do it, but he has always just done it and I have complied. Among these things are the maintenance of the boilers for the heat.

As any of you New Englanders know, we had a beautiful April - warm, sunny and just overall gorgeous. May, so far, has been less than stellar. In fact, this week it has been pretty cold. But David decided to shut off the boilers last weekend. This would not normally be a problem, because if there was a sudden need for heat, he would take care of it.

However, if you see my last entry, David was not around this week. When I got home from the hospital on his first day of chemotherapy (gone at hospital all day), I discovered a very cold home, with a shivering Bird. I realized quickly what was wrong, what I was unsure of how to deal with it.

I went to the basement and sure enough the boilers were not lit. I opened them up (after wrestling with the cover for a bit and losing a screw someplace in the process), and read the instructions. On first pass, they might as well have been in ancient Hebrew. However, on closer examination, I noticed that the main components were numbered. These numbers mapped back to the instructions, very similar to the LCD display on the copy machine at the office telling you where the paper gets jammed. I was hopeful, but when it came time to light the pilot, it would not light. Instead, all I could do was smell gas. Panicked, I decided to abort (and go to bed wearing sweats).

When David was more coherent, he showed me how to light the Pilot. Now, in my defense, the hole to stick in the match is not the same as the one marked in the instructions, and had it been, I would have succeeded.

But it made me realize that I am pretty clueless.

It's theirs to lose...

Let's hope they do not screw this up. Time for us to start getting this country on the right track again and turn around 6 + years of Republican mismanagment, criminal negligence and buffoonery.

The Decider

Excellent email making the rounds (this was forwarded to me by my beloved sister-in-law):

Inspired by the Tuesday 4/18/06 George W Bush quote regarding all of the Rumsfeld noise: I hear the voices and I read the front page and I hear the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what's best..."

"I'm the Decider"
by Roddy McCorley

Well, it took me awhile, but I finally realized what "I'm the decider"
reminds me of. It sounds like something a character in a Dr. Seuss book might say.

So with apologies to the late Mr. Geisel, here is some idle speculation as to what else such a character might say:

THE DECIDER

I'm the decider.
I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats.
And choose among whos.
And as I decide
Each particular day
The things I decide on
All turn out that way.
* I decided on Freedom
For all of Iraq.
And now that we have it,
I'm not looking back.
I decided on tax cuts
That just help the wealthy.
And Medicare changes
That aren't really healthy.
And parklands and wetlands
Who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none
Would be more than enough!
I decided that schools
All in all are the best
The less that they teach
And the more that they test.
I decided those wages
You need to get by
Are much better spent
On some CEO guy.
I decided your Wade
Which was versing your Roe
Is terribly awful
And just has to go.
I decided that levees
Are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come
They can come unimpeded.
That old Constitution?
Well, I have decided
As"just goddam paper"
It should be derided.
I've decided gay marriage
Is icky and weird.
Above all other things,
It's the one to be feared.
And Cheney and Rummy
And Condi all know
That I'm the Decider -
They tell me it's so.
I'm the Decider
So watch what you say
Or I may decide
To have you whisked away.
Or I'll tap your phones.
Your e-mail I'll read.
`cause I'm the Decider -
Like Jesus decreed.
Yes, I'm the Decider
The finest alive
And I'm nuking Iran.
Now watch this drive!

Now that I think about it, Dr. Seuss anticipated this administration
pretty well when he wrote Yertle the Turtle...

Ha Ha!!

Laughing out load at This Blog. Read it and weep. I love sarcastic wit. Especially combined with "gross reality".

70 Days to Madonna

And counting.....

What a Great Weekend!

Not only was the weather beautiful both days (maybe a tad windy yesterday, but still very nice) - but David and I had a wonderful time with the fabulous Jen and her equally fabulous other half Bill at Bonfire on Saturday night. Bill and David are both celebrating their 45th Birthdays and Jen thought it was a great reason for us to get together and blow a lot of money on fabulous food, wine and cocktails.

And man, was she right. That place never disappoints and the company could not have been better. We were a little annoyed because they just redid the menu and no longer offer an unreal potato dish that we loved. But they did have "luscious" mashed potatoes, which I was told by the server was lavished in extra butter and cream. That sounded good to me so I was quickly reassured.

Somehow they figured out there was a birthday going on because David ordered key lime pie for dessert and they served it with a birthday candle. I was a bit taken aback, I mean, who has ever heard of birthday pie? Jen and I chose liquid desserts, namely a vanilla flavored cognac. You never feel truly sophisticated until you have swished cognac around in a snifter.

Of course, we never really need an excuse for good food, wine and cocktails, but sometimes it helps to justify the cost!

Gas Problems

You know, no matter how much they cry about low margins, cost of research, tax burdens, etc., I will NEVER be able to accept the excuses for the big oil companies' need to increase their gas prices.

Somewhere, in all the planning and logic regarding justification of these prices, someone is getting majorly screwed - and it is NOT the people who own stock in these companies. It is the average Joe Schmoe American, who is just trying to get by. But now it seems we are working just to put gas in our cars to get to work.

And now there are members of Congress who want to give us a whole $100 rebate to help us out. You know what? I would rather they just donate it to the research efforts to replace OIL as our primary fuel source.

Oh, I forgot, some people in public office do not want us to replace oil as our primary fuel source.

Officials Arrested Protesting the Sudanese

Usually our elected officials make little difference, or do very little that truly impresses me. However, five members of Congress were arrested today protesting at the Sudanese embassy in Washington. This is impressive.

Why were they protesting and therefore arrested? The Sudanese government is actively engaged in genocide against its own people in the Darfur region. Over 400,000 people innocent people have been brutally killed. For more information, see www.savedarfur.org/home.

It amazes me that this type of stuff can be going on. We are so determined to rid Iraq of Saddam Hussein, but essentially ignore the very obvious atrocities going on elsewhere? If Americans are supposed to be leaders in this world, how do we tolerate this type of stuff?

In 2001, President Bush noted in the margins of a report on the Rwandan genocide, "not on my watch". However, we actually work with the Sudanese government because they have become "allies in the war on terror". Do we really want them as our allies? In a war "against TERROR"? I know I don't.

No one is suggesting war on the Sudan or any American military intervention. But the beleagured African Union troops who are tasked with "observing" the situation can not do anything to help or protect the people. The UN should get involved, with peace keeping forces who are tasked with nothing more than protecting the innocent people from warlords. We (as a nation) need to get more vocal about getting the UN in there.

Fill out the online post card urging the President to make good on his promise. This can be done by going here.

Silk Plants

I prefer fake plants and flowers. Particularly now that they are so real looking. I prefer these because I cannot kill them. I know this because I have had several now for over a year and they still look great. Every REAL plant or flower I have purchased started looking yucky and would die within a few weeks.

Of course, they would not work well at a wake and funeral. There is something about the sweet smell of fresh, live cut flowers that make me think of death. I would not want that to be replaced by fake flowers.

But for other purposes, I prefer silk plants and flowers.

New White House Press Secretary

So Scott McClellan could not take it any more. Not really surprised. How long can you spew forth ridiculousness for a ridiculous man before the life is sucked from you?

Interesting though that his replacement is from FOX News. Very convenient for FOX. After all, they basically just reiterate anything the President says. And at least Tony Snow already knows the drill for FOX, so he can just issue releases exactly as they would have printed them.

Everyone wins! Oh, except the rest of us.

Breakdown Lane

When driving to work each morning, there is one exit from Route 2 in Lexington that takes me onto Route 128 North. Each morning, the traffic that is trying to get onto Route 128 South backs up and blocks the exit going to 128 North, so I inevitably end up in crawl traffic for a short distance until my exit pops up.

There is a break down lane here as well. Many people will decide to bypass waiting in line like good little doobies and just drive down the breakdown lane to get onto the exit. But there is a problem with this treachery. Just before the exit, there is an overpass and a slight turn to the right. Just behind this overpass, a state police officer dutifully waits and makes the drivers in the breakdown lane pull over for punishment (because there is nothing better for him to do). There is no warning and no room to escape (unless you pull a Thelma and Louise). This does not happen every morning, but often enough to know not to take any chances.

This morning, the slow crawl was particularly bad, and as I came to the overpass, I saw the state police officer acting all kinds of authoritative, having pulled over three people already. In my rear view mirror, there was this Cadillac barreling down the breakdown lane, blissfully unaware of what awaited him - arrogantly thinking of how he was blowing us all off. Suddenly, he sees the cop! The directional comes on and he tries to blend back into traffic, but guess what? No one would let him back in. Pissed, he was forced right up to the officer, who dutifully pulled him over - this happened about five cars behind me. I was highly amused as I watched the look on the driver's face. At the same time, it made me worry that such behavior could cause a sudden accident if he tried to force his way back in - thankfully he did not.

The best part of this is that a "No Driving In Breakdown Lane" sign is right there.

Harold and Kumar

Based on fabulous Jen's recommendation, I finally watched "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" last night. Awesome.

The movie is very funny. Between Neil Patrick Harris playing himself as a PNP-ing sex fiend and Chris Meloni as a puss-spewing boil-covered Jesus-loving tow truck driver, the supporting cast is great enough. But the two main characters, your average Asian and Indian-American stoners trying to get a good Burger, totally own this movie. If you have ever had the munchies - this movie is one laugh riot worth catching.

Oh, and if you watch it, be sure to pay attention to the closing credits for additional hilarity.

Easter Ramblings....

How did we go from a guy getting nailed to a cross and dying (reportedly to free us from our own sin), to talking rabbits that deliver candy in a basket?

Ah, yes - the Christianization of the Pagans. Whenever colorful celebration and gaiety are included in Christian holidays, you can be sure that we have the Pagans to thank for it.

Christmas is a great example. When Christianity was growing and becoming dominant in Rome in the third century, the church moved the celebration of Christmas (which was a pretty somber thing back then) so that it would overshadow the Pagan Roman celebration of the Sun. You see, the Catholic Church wanted to squash the Pagan celebrations but there was a problem. This celebration was beloved. During the Celebration of the Sun, the Romans were festive and merry - they ate and drank, sang songs, gave each other gifts and decorated their houses and the trees (sound familiar?). The church allowed these traditions to carry onto Christmas so that the Pagans would adopt it more willingly. Over time, the distinction was lost.

As for Easter? Well, that is the Pagan celebration of fertility that was to be squashed. Those damned Pagans were having too much fun - they had the gall to actually associate the rebirth of the Spring with fertility - so sexuality and fertility were celebrated. The Church could have none of that. So what image can best quell any thoughts of sexuality and fertility? A man being nailed to a cross, that's what - so the church made sure Easter sits on top of this holiday. I'm sure the rabbit and the treats are tied in there somewhere.

Ponder that while eating chocolate eggs tomorrow.

Bastards!

I recently misplaced my ATM card. It will probably turn up, but rather than take a chance, I decided to report it missing and have a new one issued.

So after going through the whole process, I am told it will take "7-10 business days" to receive my replacement card. Talk about inconvenient. Now I actually have to go to the bank and interact with someone to get my money. That is so 20th century (as is taking 7-10 business days to get my replacement card).

So, the very next day I log into my bank account to do some online bill paying and what do I see? A $7.00 fee for "replacement card". Well, that took no time did it? So how come I have to wait so long for a replacement card that I have already paid for?

Now I would make a stink about this, but this bank is generally pretty good, is very gay friendly and actually has real free checking. So I will hold my tongue and just quietly say to myself, "Bastards!".

Uh oh

I just heard something in the other room smash, and the Partner is yelling at The Bird. The Bird must have knocked a precious cookie jar or something off the counter.

Details later.

Spring has Sprung

Wow, it really looks like Spring has arrived. I know this because I have a runny nose, my eyes are killing me and my sinuses ache. But I am loving it anyway.

You know we had a wimpy winter really - the ground never really froze and that is why all the flora are springing up all over the place. We are at least three weeks ahead of schedule on the birth of flowers and leaves.

Despite the early onset of allergies, I am not complaining - bring it on.

The Madonna-fication of Me

I have been a Madonna fan since her very first album, since I was in High School.

However, I have only seen her once before in concert. That was a sunny July day in 1987, with my dear friends Jeff and Sue during the "Who's That Girl?" tour at Foxboro Stadium. We had a great time. I have listened faithfully since then, but have not been back to see her in person.

That is about to change. Prompted by the very same Jeff, I bought two tickets for the July 9 show on her upcoming tour at the BankNorth Garden (Fleet Center) in Boston. This will be especially nice because the Partner is a big Madonna fan as well and July 9 will be our 17th anniversary.

Side Note: Did you know you can actually see the view from your
seats in advance by going to the venue website and choosing the flash tour and entering your seat numbers? Coooolllll....

So, in preparation I downloaded "Confessions on a Dance Floor" to my iPod, strapped it on and listed to it during an particularly effective 45 minutes on the elliptical at the gym! There is only one word for this album - brilliant.

And I am going to see it performed live!

Thanks Jeff for lighting a fire under my ass!

Death Penalty for Zacarias Moussaoui?

Does anyone else feel that the death penalty for Zacarias Moussaoui is not really an appropriate punishment?

I am not a fan of the death penalty but am also not opposed to it. But in this case, I think it is clear that he wants it. To him, and others like him, this is his chance to become a martyr and motivate other terrorists. Life in prison, American prison, seems like a better actual punishment. Solitary confinement type of prison, you know, like where they stashed the Unabomber. A place where he cannot speak out or be seen. But he can waste away for 50 years or so.

That seems more appropriate.

Idiots!

In this day and age, you would think even the most stupid would know not to do this.

But apparently not. Do you remember right after 9/11 one of the things everyone was concerned with was the water supply? Well these idiots apparently did not remember that. Or maybe they thought people would not worry about this now?

I remember hearing about the discovery of this break-in on the news this morning as I got ready for work, and while listening to the newscasters talking about how the local authorities were treating this suspiciously and taking all the proper precautions, I just knew it would end up being dumb kids.

And haven't they seen enough made for Lifetime movies starring Meredith Baxter and/or Markie Post by now not to go running around blabbing about it at school the next day?

Idiots!

Cross-walk Signals

Sometimes I think these are only a box with a button that is not really connected to anything that will change the traffic lights. These are the times when I am waiting at a cross walk and trying to cross the street.

Other times I am sure that they work as we are told they do. This is when I am driving, trying to get somewhere quickly and all four ways at an intersection are at red because Of the "Walk" light someone requested.

But the only thing that really annoys me about these things, are the people who walk up to them, press the button to get the walk light, and then do not wait for it, they run across the street against traffic anyway. This leaves us stuck at another four way red light with no one actually crossing the street.

Kind of a waste of a thing if you ask me, these cross walks usually have an interval timed light anyway.

Good Post

I like Daily Kos alot, being the fairly liberal minded person that I am. But this post sums up much of what I have been feeling recently, but have not fully said.

Anyone who might read here knows how I feel about President Bush and his ingorant administration. But this post really expresses it better than I ever could.

What do you think?

Two years ago, I quit smoking. It was a personal choice, not influenced by any other person. I was surprised how easy it was. I did this, even though I live full time with a smoker, and he continues to smoke.

I have never pushed for him to quit, the only two things I have asked is that he does not smoke in the bedroom, or in my car. These are the only restrictions I have asked for. However, he still does it, and that makes me mad. When I complain, he dismisses my complaints as my "making a big deal out of nothing".

Am I wrong in making these requests? After two years of not smoking, cigarette smoke has started to bother me in close quarters, and I can smell it for days. If he borrows my car, I know if he smoked in it, even if he says he did not.

Am I making too big a deal out of this?

"Its my Birthday and I want a Bloodfeast!"

"Party Monster" is a great movie. What I refer to as a great CABLE movie. The kind you can watch over and over again and still enjoy. It has some great lines and the actors who play the major rolls are very good in them.

Memorable lines:

Michael (Mess #1) to James: "Would I lie to you James?"
James (in response): "Yes! All the time!"

Mess # 2 to James: "Oh the drugs are just a sideline. A profitable one" (you have to see that one to appreciate it).

James to Michael: "Make sure you are always on the right. That way, in the picture you are on the left and the caption will read 'James St. James' and blah, blah, blah".

James to Dallas show promoter: "Show? We don't have a show. We don't do anything".

Michael, with Gitzy: "It's my birthday and I want a bloodfeast".

There are so many good lines in this movie it would be impossible to list them all. Oh, and the costumes are outrageous. But what makes this whole story impossibly absurd is the fact that it is based on a true story.

I was just coming out to the Boston clubs when all this was going down in NYC - I do not remember hearing about any of it, but do enjoy watching the movie about it!

The Simple Things

We just got a new vanity, sink and medicine cabinet, as well as tile floor, in my bathroom. You'd think I got a new car. You realize you are getting older when you get so excited about these things. Other things I find myself excited about that would have bored me 20 years ago:

• New Sheets (600-1000 thread count only).
• New vacuum cleaner (it has a pivot!).
• Lazy Susan for my television (now I can lightly swing it around to view it while dusting the curio cabinet).
• Curios for the curio cabinet (don't ask).
• New silverware (we finally replaced our college-era mismatched stuff with all new matching heavy duty stuff!).
• Stainless steel bathroom accessories.

And the ultimate insult came yesterday. I went to Microcenter to buy some things I needed for work. Ten years ago, I would have come out of there with all kinds of electronics and computer toys that I did not need and could not afford. Yesterday I wandered the aisles and realized I had everything I wanted, and was more interested in getting back to my new bathroom!

At least I still like to go out and drink!

Quick Bird Update

I have been so busy with work I hardly post any more. But I need to give you a funny Bird Update.

I have mentioned before that the Bird, Rick the Parrot, loves to find funny hiding places and "nest". The partner has been doing some work on our home and he recently opened a crawl space under the eves of the front room to build some storage cabinets. The bird, recently clipped to stop him from flying and perching up on the ceiling fan, discovered an opening that allows him in under the eaves of the roof.

How do we know this? The other day I come home from work and the Bird is missing, but when I call him I hear him whistle - so I know he is around somewhere, the place is a construction mess, but I am sure he is OK.

About an hour later I am sitting on the couch when all of a sudden the Bird starts calling me - "Jack!", "Jack?!" (this ability was picked up from David constantly yelling "Jack!" for almost 17 years). So I look all over the place and wonder where it is coming from when I realize the Bird is inside the wall. So, I open up the crawl space, shine in the flashlight and there he is, complete with a towel he dragged in there to cuddle (he likes to cuddle a towel, maybe some day I will post a pic).

Anyway, I coaxed him out and sealed the opening he used - he then proceeded to be a bratty child who was pissed I had taken away his little fort.

God, I never though I would have to child proof my home.

Why I love Tony

This Sunday, an American icon returns....


Tony Soprano rocks

I am not a big mafia story fan. Although I loved the drama of the first two Godfather movies, I was never very interested in other stories.

And for that reason, I avoided "The Sopranos" furor of 1998/1999. It was everywhere - the first two seasons of "The Sopranos" had taken the world by storm and the world was getting ready for season three. It was everywhere - photos in TV Guide and other magazines made it impossible to avoid. And one Sunday night I was flipping through the channels looking for something to watch and then, boom, there it was.

I knew it was "The Sopranos" - I had never seen it, but I knew. So, I started to watch. And, like many others, I was caught.

This show is NOT a mafia story. It is not a crime story. It is an old fashioned story, about a family and its interpersonal realtions. The characters just happen to be in the mafia.

We watch these mobsters deal with the events in their lives - and we often forget who we are dealing with, until Tony suddenly shoots a kid he has hostage with the zeal of a ten year old killing ants using the sun and a magnifying glass.

Regardless, it is one of the best shows on TV in recent years, and it comes so rarely. I am tickled pink knowing that I have four months to enjoy it.

Oh Slobadon, we hardly knew ye..

Or maybe we knew ye too well.

Evil doer Slobadon Milosevic died today, exactly how is unknown. His war crimes trial was not completed, and I guess the world will never get full closure on his evil.

But he is dead, and like with the Hitlers, Stalins and Pol Pots of the world, all I can say is "good fu&*ing riddance!".

Good Stuff

It seems some people know what's good for this country after all. It would be nice to see this actually happen, as this President truly deserves to be impeached.

Not in my Clam Bake

This new lobsterish thing is kinda weird. I keep thinking of the "lobstrosities" from the Dark Tower books by Stephen King.


the "lobstrosity"

Being from New England, it is Maine lobster or nothing for my clam bakes.

I'm a Geek

And not because of my leaning towards all things computer. In a moment of nostalgic weakness, I ordered up the DVDs of the original "Battlestar Galactica" and "Lost in Space". It is possible that this moment of nostalgic weakness was fueled by wine and enabled via internet access.

Remember that:

"Credit card + Internet access + Wine = Debt"

Both of these shows are true camp sci-fi, but I love them anyway. Being able to hear Dr. Smith yell, "bubbling Booby" at the robot at any moment tickles my fancy so much.

And to make matters worse, I already have the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD, as well as some of Star Trek the Next Generation.

I guess I am just a hopeless Geek.

Chinese Food and the forces of evil

Why is it that every time I get Chinese food and have to drive home with it, that all the forces of evil conspire to prevent a timely homecoming?

Every red light, every little old lady crossing the street with a walker, every racing fire engine, every mother duck with her family of ducklings - everything that can happen to slow my progress does.

This, of course, is coupled with the fact that the Chinese food is filling my car with its sweet aromas and making me practically drool.

"The Ring 2"

Just what you all need, a very late movie review:

"The Ring" was one of those rare horror movies - actually scary, with an original story idea. I love those (like "the Grudge" and "Saw", movies that were actually better than you expect). Unfortunately, successful movies prompt sequels. Rarely are they as good as the original, usually they are pretty lame.

Such was the case with "Ring 2". I was happy that the lovely Naomi Watts returns, but the story was just boring. And they never fully explain how the deaths from the supernatural videotape keep happening. I was mostly bored, never really scared but stuck with it to the end hoping that something would make sense. Even a somewhat inspired appearance by Sissy Spacek could not help.

Mechanic Syndrome

As an IT professional, one who often responds to user problems, I often encounter "mechanic syndrome" - when you are experiencing trouble but the trouble miraculously disappears when you bring in an expert to deal with it. I suppose it is only fair that it happen to me too.

I get my car back Wednesday after three weeks in the auto body shop and it looks damn good, even though the back of the car looks brand new and the front looks four years old. The very first day I get it back, the "check engine" warning light comes on.

You know, there is probably no less informative gauge light than this. I refer to the owners manual, which instructs me to "call my VW dealer", so I do. I tell them that the light has come on. "Is it flashing?", they ask me. "No", I answer, "it is solid". "Well, that's good", they reply. So of course I have to ask, "what would it have meant if it was flashing?". They tell me I would have to pull over, abandon the vehicle and call for a tow. "Thank god for solid engine warning lights then", I responded.

So I make an appointment to bring it in the next morning, and profusely apologize to my employer for all the last minute time out I need due to this car. I decide to take this opportunity to have the dealer address other petty things, like an annoying squeak, a suspicious clatter and a strange groan. These things have been bugging me for a while, and had planned on having them checked before the accident.

So I get up really early this morning to bring the car in. The Check Engine Warning light? No longer on. The annoying squeak? Suspicious clatter? Strange groan? All quiet. So they take the car for the day and check it all out - nothing wrong, they say. At least I have "peace of mind" they say.

Yeah, right.

South Dakota Bans Abortion

It will be interesting to see what happens to the mainstream perception of South Dakota now that the state government has taken the steps to completely outlaw abortion. In many ways, their action is the conservative equivalent to Massachusetts' legalizing gay marriage.

Of course there are differences. In Mass, the state supreme court ruled that gay marriage was legal and in South Dakota it was the state legislature that moved to ban abortion. But what is similar is that each state polarized itself to a political extreme. Completely opposite extremes of course.

I should be horrified by what has taken place in SD, but am not really - I was expecting it given the direction the country is moving - civil liberties are being curtailed. In some ways, this move will bring a major issue to the front of the national debate. And maybe Massachusetts will get out from under the political issue microscope for a while. I have always been annoyed by the conservative reference to "crazy liberal Massachusetts". Well, I think that will pale compared to how many people will refer to South Dakota

By the way....

What exacty is an "Emirate"?

Emirate (noun)- A territory ruled by an Emir.

Oh.

Hard to Fathom

The Bush presidency is one of those historical enigmas, a mistake of logic, that will be discussed and studied for many years to come.

The recent UAE ownership of American port management (and security) is a recent example of how this administration was simply not meant to be. Yesterday, Bush adamantly states that the contract was a "good thing to America" and to "trust him". He also said he would counter any attempt by Congress to put it on hold by hitting any such attempt with a veto. This morning, his people say the President was "not aware" of the involvement of the UAE.

What? If he did not know about it, why was he so adamantly defending it the day before? Is he really so foolish? Oh, yeah. The main thing to remember about Bush and Cheney is that they simply cannot admit they made a mistake. They will defend this decision no matter what happens.

I was surprised to learn that we outsource the management of our ports to other nations at all, regardless of which ones Christian, Muslim, or Hindu. It seems ridiculous to me.

Presidents Day and Kia

Do current and former Presidents get to celebrate on Presidents Day? Do they get a card? It would appear to be an unattractive market for a Greeting Card company, as it is pretty small.

In any event, the rest of us get a day off and that is good. But there is one thing I hate about it - the Kia car commercials.

These commercials start with the line - "Do not ask what you can do for Kia. Ask what Kia can do for you". This is just terrible. It is an attempt to market to Presidents Day using the words of President Kennedy - "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country". Now, I get the point - it sounds all presidential and blah, blah, but it insults our intelligence. I just hate it.

It implies that we might, for some reason, be looking to do something "for Kia", like we are volunteering for a Kia Army or something. What? It is a freaking multinational company. The most likely thing I would do "for them" is picket their labor practices in a third world country.

It also mocks one of the most memorable lines from a Presidential Inaugural speech. I wonder if some children today would hear the original line and thinks of Kia. That line belongs to history, not to a tagline to a third rate minivan.

Funny how commercials work - generally, if you remember the product it has made its point. I will not forget Kia, that is for sure.

Parking Wars

So, we thought we could get off with an easy winter this year, but our arrogance defeats us:


Of course, I live in the purple area, right alongside the gray bubble

Naturally, this storm is occurring over the weekend, so it can interfere with my ability to go to the clubs instead of my ability to go to work.

I am not looking forward to the Parking Wars. Street parking in these situations generally is reduced to 10%. And once you have shoveled out your car and created a space, you have basically lost it. I love watching the people in their cars cruising the area stalking you as you shovel, waiting for you to take your car out so they can steal the space. In the past, I just leave my car there and take the subway, but not this year, now I need my car every day to get to work.

I know I can "mark" my space with a lawn chair or something - but I know I cannot rely on that. In these extreme circumstances, that shoveled space is the most valuable piece of real estate on the hill. I will still do it, but will be sure to use something that I do not mind losing.

So far I have avoided major conflict in this area, but have witnessed it.

This is the only thing about winter that I really hate. I don't like cold or snow, but I really hate the Parking Wars.

Cool Stuff

As I have said before, where would we be without the internet? It has been a long time since I have had to get a car repaired, but I am really surprised by this new trend, where they put photos of your car during the repair process onto the web so that you can be a part of it. This is my car in the "dis-assembly" process. Pretty cool stuff, huh?



Cool Stuff

Personal Fowl?

Not sure how I feel about this story. There are so many things that cause my brain to work on overtime to process:

• There is a chicken named Boo Boo, because, reportedly, she is easily frightened.
• It was apparently a pet?
• Mouth to Beak CPR?
• She was placed in a cardboard box by a heater (anyone smelling BBQ chicken?).

Jeez - when I see dead chicken, I grab the Chardonnay. I like the part where the lifesaver had to admit that they do not know how to get a pulse on a chicken.

You can't make this stuff up.

Manual or Automatic?

So I picked up my rental car this morning. Nothing special, but acceptable replacement for mine while it is in the shop. Only one problem, it is an automatic transmission and I am pretty much a manual kind of guy.

My problem with the automatic transmission is that I want so badly to grab the shift and change it. My body yearns to push into the clutch and change gears. This does not bode well for the automatic transmission.

I was thinking about it this morning as my foot went to push down the non-existent clutch. I must not be the only person who has this transition problem, but they make the problem worse by putting the shift for automatic right where it is for manual transmission. Why? Remember when the automatic transmission shifts were on the steering column? No mistaking them there. Now they sit right in the middle, so that it looks to my eye and feels to my arm just like the manual transmission shift that I have to grab and pull regularly throughout the driving experience.

I keep wondering when I am going to slam on the brakes when I am thinking I am hitting the clutch. Pray for me people.

Finally getting the car fixed

I've gone dark recently - sorry. Have been dealing with some things - some good, some not, but all taking lots of my time (thank God for wine). One of these things, the damage done to my car by a reckless truck driver will finally be dealt with tomorrow.

I am just praying the car comes back in good shape. I have nightmares of Dateline hidden camera investigations about what goes on in auto body shops. I almost expect to hear Jane Pauley or Stone Phillips voice saying "we'll return to Jack's story following the Dateline timeline".

Supposedly I am dropping off my car and will be given a rental car of equal quality for the duration of the repair job, which should take three weeks.

I was originally told that this rental car would be paid for by the other party's insurance company, which has assumed 100% liability. However, once I contacted the adjuster and told her that my car would be out of operation for three weeks, she is backtracking (almost as fast as the Bush administration following Goober-in-chief's suggestion we break our addiction to oil). Never the less, I have given the rental car agency their billing information and intend to stand and fight.

I never asked for anything more than getting the fair repairs to my car, and the ability to still drive while my car is in the shop. I did not pretend to be injured (I could have, right?), I have not exaggerated the damage. So why the hell is a few hundred dollars so important suddenly? I mean the damned insurance company (again, not mine, which has been very helpful) has tons of money and I am squat to them.

The Perfect Wine Glass

I was perusing Crate and barrel with the lovely Jen recently, and I could not help but admire some of the stemware, some of the cabernet glasses in particular.

What I liked about these particular glasses was not their design. They were not crystal, there was nothing terribly unique about their shape, the glass was not extra thick or colored. No, what I liked was their immense size. You see, these glasses held 22.5 ounces of wine. I did some quick English to Metric measurement conversion in my head (yes, really, I lived in Europe after all and it is a handy skill there) and realized this was almost an entire 750 ml bottle of wine. Excellent.

There is new meaning to "I just had a few glasses of wine". I might need to buy some.

Addendum to yesterday's post

Today I experienced absolutely no need to stop at a red light, and was actually in a bit of a hurry tot get to work. Therefore, every ligtht was red.

Further evidence.

The Meaning of Life?

I think I got a glimpse into the meaning of life this morning.

Every morning when I drive to work, I have to stop at about 5 or 6 red lights before finally getting to the highway - these are long lights, and cause the majority of the delay I have in getting to work.

Today, when stopped at the first one, I decided to use the time to change CDs. However, the light turned green suddenly and much more quickly than usual. Startled and "honked" into action by the guy behind me, I moved forward and all my CDs went flying all over the car. Dammit. However, I knew I would be forced to stop at the next light and could begin scooping them up, and with all the other lights, certainly finish it before getting to the highway. Right?

Well, like Moses parting the Red Sea, all of the lights were green and traffic just flowed through, denying me a stop before the Turnpike. It was then that it occurred to me. Whenever I want to get a red light, I do not. Whenever I want to get a green light, I do not.

Have you ever noticed that when you lose something, and then give up looking after searching endlessly, that you will later find it when you are looking for something else? The same principle applies here.

Although I do not fully understand the phenomenon, I am sure it has something to do with the Meaning of Life.

Lenin works out at my gym

There is this guy I see at the gym all the time. For months it has been driving me crazy trying to figure out where I know this guy from, he looks so familiar. Familiar in that "I don't really know him but have heard of him" kind of way. Today, as I was pondering this question, it suddenly occurred to me. He is Lenin. Yes, THAT Lenin.


The guy from my gym during his heyday

He has the same features, that same goatee, the beady eyes, the pointy bald head. Everything about the guy cries Lenin.

This is quite remarkable, as Lenin has been reportedly dead some 80 or so years, but not totally impossible. Supposedly his body lies eternally in state in Moscow. But I am suspicious of bodies in glass coffins that do not decompose. It is far MORE likely that what lies in state is a wax dummy and that the real Soviet revolutionary walks the earth as an Immortal, and works out at my gym.

So how do you approach so powerful a historical figure? I mean, he has a Grad named after him. I would ask how he's doing, but given the whole "Fall of Soviet communism thing", I might be better off on a lighter topic. Perhaps sharing Abduction techniques. But certainly, we will stay away from Stalinesque treachery, young Czarevech's or Boris Yeltsin.

I have to admit that I wonder what he does in his spare time - does he work? I only hope he is not organizing any "movements" - we've seen what can happen with that.

You Poor Things

Canada Goes Conservative

I would have thought that our dear neighbors to the North would have learned from our mistakes. But it appears that cancers do spread.

40

So tomorrow I turn 40. It had to happen some day, right? You might wonder if I feel bad or weird or whatever, but I don't at all. So far, my experience has been that life gets better as I get older - so hopefully it just keeps moving that way.

But one thing I do feel is a little proud. Over the past few years I made two promises to myself, goals I wanted to achieve before 40. And I achieved them:

Quitting smoking - A big one. I stupidly started smoking when I was younger and then got completely hooked. I figured that quitting would be impossible, and that I would not succeed - I figured I would have to try it a few times before I got it right. But I wanted to be successfully smoke free by 40, so two years ago I decided to start trying. I did it on my very first try.

Back to the Gym - Another thing I wanted to start doing regularly again before I turned forty and when I quit smoking, I started. I feel great.

So I actually feel better moving into 40 than I probably did when I turned 30. So I feel good about it, but I will probably not rush into making goals for 50.

Weird birthday tidbit:

I am always the same age as the Super Bowl. Whatever number Super Bowl is about to be played is my age. And the Super Bowl is always played right around my birthday (weekend after). The funny thing about this though, is that I never noticed until recent Super Bowls where the Patriots played. Because if the Patriots are not in the Super Bowl, I pretty much don't care.

The Birthday Weekend

I have an upcoming birthday. One of the "milestone" birthdays, in fact. My fabulous friends Keri and Jen treated me to a truly fabulous night of fabulousness.

The weather was really nice Friday night here in Boston - springtime warmth. And I, on autopilot of some kind, completely missed the correct stop on the T's Orange Line. Rather than get off and then back on, I decided to walk. It was a nice time right through Boston Common, past the frog pond watching the skaters and down to the Park Plaza Hotel.

At the Hotel I met the girls at Bonfire where we had some fancy cocktails (well, I had wine, but in the giant goblets I love so much). We sit down to dinner and who do we see across the room? More friends of ours from UMass! Also celebrating a birthday (the same milestone birthday).

So this cracks me up a lot, given that we are at this fancy, expensive restaurant. You see, years and years ago (well, some years ago), we all used to go out drinking and eating when we were in school. To pay for it in those days, we often got together whatever change or loose dollars we could find that we made from our part time convenience store jobs. So this night it kind of hit home that we really had "grown up" - we were dressed up, eating and drinking some fine food and wine.

It was awesome. The partner David was not up for joining us, but I brought him a goody bag from the restaurant which he greatly appreciated.

Saturday morning I slept later than usual, given the rather large amount of wine I consumed Friday night (hey, it was for my birthday, I keep telling myself). In fact, I felt pretty foggy all day Saturday. However, that all cleared up when I met a friend later at Machine for beers and shots.

So Sunday I sweat it all out at the gym - at least that is what I like to tell myself, but given how much wonderfully fun debauchery I experienced over two straight nights, I was pretty surprised how much stamina I had. For some reason I could not stop watching the Steelers game on TV either. I mean, I did not really want to watch it, but it was on and I was doing cardio and I got lost in the thing.

European News

UPDATE 1/22/2006 - OK, I feel badly that the whale died. But that does not change the sentiment of the original post (in fact, the extreme coverage of that compared to the lack of coverage of the Canadian election pretty much highlights what I was trying to say).

Why is it that we never see anything in the news about Europe unless it revolves around an American issue? This is really quite unacceptable. They are as important, if not more so, than the US - but the biggest stories we get are about whales in the Thames or Princes in the Army.

American centric views of the world will get us nowhere people. Start reviewing the BBC.com if you want some more real information.

"Whatever, just crash it"

TV commercials basically suck - usually they are inane, inept and uninteresting. However, once in a Blue Moon, some very good ones come along, the kind you remember (which scores a point for the advertiser, because that is what they want) and the kind that make you laugh or smile.

One of my personal favorites is the one for the minivan which shows poor "Bob", who is apparently under the control of the whims of two young boys, around 8 years old. Bob is a technician at the crash testing facility where he controls the ramming of mini-vans into walls. This is an 8 year old boy's fantasy. At one point, one of his enthusiastic masters yells, "now do the Gold one", and Bob so adultily corrects him stating that it " is Desert Sand Micah" (referring to the color). The young kid wonderfully replies, "whatever, just crash it". Tremendous.

We need more ads like this on TV.

Should have stayed in bed

My poor baby has a boo-boo

So I am cruising along, minding my own business in slow traffic when *BOOM*, a truck behind me, trying to change lanes, catches the right rear of my car.

Damn it! And this was only the beginning of a very bad day. The details of which I will spare you. Fortunately, I am meeting the fabulous Jen and Keri on Friday to be fabulous.

Words that sound funny

Some words I have always thought sounded funny and general reason, in no particular order:

Cup - it is a wierd word. It always made me laugh in mass "and he took the cup..."
Punishment - it sounds funny. I think of a tight lipped school marm demanding that a child present him/herself "for punishment". However, in a job title it could be interesting "Director of Punishments".
President Bush - either word taken separately does not sound unusual. But together they are a riot.
Parochial - what? It sounds like a disease or malady.
Bunny - no explanation required.

Jack is Back

it's the most wonderful time, of the year.....



"24', otherwise known as "the Best Show Ever", is returning Sunday night with a 2 hour opening, with another 2 hour dose Monday, before settling into its regular weekly Monday night schedule, taking us right into late Spring.

Fox, you suck is so many ways I cannot possibly forgive you, but thank you anyway, for this marvelous distraction from reality.

Starbuck vs. Starbuck

vs.
Discuss

Crazy Bird

Rick the Bird always needs to be in the middle of whatever is going on - he is the original "Curious George".

So when the Partner David decided to bring home about 50 novelty coffee mugs he found antiquing, and laid them out to organize, clean and pack, Rick had to "get in the middle".



We found him like this on the counter literally talking into the coffee mugs. This is an "ET Moment" - he often goes crawling around on the shelves behind David's knick-knacks, blending in almost. He will stand perfectly still while you are looking for him and you can't see him (just like when ET was hiding among the dolls in little Drew Barrymore's closet).

What A Bird.

The Mouse that Roared?

UPDATE 1-13-2006 - it turns out this was a massive rumor, picked up and reported by the "traditional media", creating world wide interest. Not surprising, because how believable was it really?

UPDATE 1-12-2006, also very interesting.

I find this story very interesting. Apparently, an 81 year old man catches a mouse, and then tries to dispose of it by throwing it in a pile of burning leaves. But hold on - that little bugger gets the last laugh - it runs out of the burning leaves (ablaze itself), runs back into the house, setting the house on fire and burning it to the ground.

Hmmm. Let's dissect this story a little bit. The story does not say how the mouse was caught. Having some experience with the noble art of mouse catching, there are only five ways I can see:

Traditional spring trap - where the mouse is rendered usually dead or highly injured due to the spring smashing down on it.
Glue Trap - where the critter gets itself stuck in a spread of glue on a high tech piece of cardboard and becomes immobilized (but left alive for those of you who cannot stomach death, but love the idea of enduring agony).
"Humane" Trap - where the mouse is caught alive in a trap and unharmed, but cannot escape, so it can be humanely let out in the wild somewhere, where it will get eaten by an owl or snake or other horror.
A Cat - the old fashioned way.
By Hand - where you just swoop down and grab the thing by the tail.

OK, now that we know the various ways in which this mouse could have been captured, let's apply them to this situation:

• The traditional spring trap would have killed the thing or rendered it immobile, it could not have run back to the house.
• The glue trap would have required the effort of separating the varmint from the trap, which would really be a waste of time - besides, it could not have run back.
• The "humane" trap is an unlikely thing too because why use this type of trap if you are just going to burn the thing alive? Unless you are a sadist.
• A cat would have also likely left the thing in a state unlikely to run burning from a fire.
• Perhaps the thing was caught by hand, but have you ever tried to catch a mouse by hand? At 81?

So, maybe you can see why I find this story "interesting" to say the least. I must admit that I cannot even imagine throwing a live animal into a fire, even a mouse. Maybe in a life or death struggle - like wrestling a grizzly bear while defending a baby - I might be able to do it. But just a mouse? You reap what you sew, I guess.

I hope his home owners insurance covers Fire by Mouse.

Death and Taxes..... and Laundry?

Everyone has heard the quote, "Of this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes" (Benjamin Franklin, circa sometime a long time ago). It is requoted or paraphrased over and over again. Well, I would like to add my version:

"Of this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes, and doing laundry"
- Jack, circa 2006.

It seems that I am always doing laundry. I do not do it more often than other people, probably about once per week, but it seems that every time I finish the laundry, I am teleported through time to the next time I am doing laundry. Every time I am filling the washing machine I have this deja vu feeling of "didn't I just do this"?

And while I am on the subject, why do laundry detergents have SO MANY different versions? I mean, liquid Tide has like 75 different kinds to choose from (partnering with Febreeze?). And is there anything more ridiculous than "Fresh Scent"? What is that really supposed to mean? Do we have the choice of "Stale Scent"? No.

My final laundry pet peeve, the laundry bag. I use a cloth bag to cart haul it to the basement. I always throw it in with the load as well, and use it to bring it back up. I swear the thing has consciousness and also tries to hide from me. Whenever I try to empty the hot dryer of its flesh searing contents, it is the first thing I need to get at, but it is always at the most difficult place to get to.

Remember "Lost in Space"? They had the right idea - you dump all the laundry into some machine and close the lid. The machine makes some sci fi noises for a few minutes, and then you remove the folded, plastic packaged contents. Someone should be working on this.

The Change "Tray"

I went to the store tonight on the way home from work. I was cold, tired, had a lousy drive home, and was in no mood for irritations. Yet I encountered one of my biggest pet peeves.

Why does it seem so common now, when you have change from a cash transaction that includes both bills and coins, that cashiers feel the need to present the coins in a highly unstable pile on top of a "tray" made from the bills (sometimes folded to provide extra tray strength, but usually not)?

This is a recipe for coin disaster. There is great chance of a change spillage during transfer from cashier to customer. Many times the receipt of the coins and bill tray are only one part of a larger juggling act being made by the customer at the time. Perhaps they are carrying other bags or a purse in the other hand, perhaps they are burping a child, or maybe they are scratching something. But in areas of cash exchange, it is common for the customer to be multi-tasking, whereas the cashier has only one concern - the presentation of the change.

When did the cashier industry decide to place the Change Exchange Burden onto the customer? At one time they presented change back by counting it to the customer to ensure accuracy. But no more, not that in schools you can now use calculators and notebook computers in Math class.

In cash exchange situations, I am not the one who is getting paid for doing the work. In fact, I am the one doing the paying. It seems only fair to me that the Burden Of Effort be placed back in the cashiers' hands.

Who's with me?

"Brokeback Mountain" for Best Picture

The partner David and I went to see the movie "Brokeback Mountain" last night before heading out to ring in the New Year.

I am not a big fan of love stories (gay or otherwise), and went to this more for David than because I wanted to see the movie. I certainly had heard of it, and that it was supposed to be so good. I thought it would be something nice for us to do together on New Years Eve.

Well, it moved me. It is a brilliant movie. Now you might say that I cannot objectively say that, being a gay man in a long term deep relationship. But I really think I can. Because it was not just about the love between two men that makes this movie work so well. It is beautifully filmed - the breathtaking Wyoming background actually is a character in the movie itself. The acting is Oscar worthy - both of the principal actors showed remarkable range. The story was well written, sensitive where it needed to be and almost disturbingly graphic at the right moments.

This movie deserves the accolades it is destined to get, and I hope you will go see it. You will be moved. But I do warn you, bring your tissues.

My Hopes for 2006

I respectfully submit some of my requests for 2006:

• I hope we finally get to know what happened between Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie that caused the middle-class challenged duo to part ways. Because, after all, I am sure it is really very interesting, right?
• I hope that Tom Delay's request for a speedy hearing is granted.
• I hope that Old Navy brings back the Old Navy Carolers for Christmas 2006, because I missed them Oh so much this year.
• I hope that Cable TV creates a "Millionaires' Channel", because that is really the only appropriate place for those Lexus commercials implying it is so easy to just buy a luxury car, put a giant bow on it and surprise my child with it for Christmas (WTF? Who can really do that?)
  
• I hope Dakota Fanning finally gets to be a kid and not forced to be in a movie.
• I hope that A&E's upcoming "Roller Girls" series is quickly cancelled and never made available on DVD.
  

and finally...

• I hope that George Bush is Impeached. After all, if Bill Clinton faced impeachment because he made an inappropriate deposit, isn't it only fair that George Bush face the same for trashing the Constitution and spying on Americans without legal warrant?

Happy New Year!