Lenin works out at my gym

There is this guy I see at the gym all the time. For months it has been driving me crazy trying to figure out where I know this guy from, he looks so familiar. Familiar in that "I don't really know him but have heard of him" kind of way. Today, as I was pondering this question, it suddenly occurred to me. He is Lenin. Yes, THAT Lenin.


The guy from my gym during his heyday

He has the same features, that same goatee, the beady eyes, the pointy bald head. Everything about the guy cries Lenin.

This is quite remarkable, as Lenin has been reportedly dead some 80 or so years, but not totally impossible. Supposedly his body lies eternally in state in Moscow. But I am suspicious of bodies in glass coffins that do not decompose. It is far MORE likely that what lies in state is a wax dummy and that the real Soviet revolutionary walks the earth as an Immortal, and works out at my gym.

So how do you approach so powerful a historical figure? I mean, he has a Grad named after him. I would ask how he's doing, but given the whole "Fall of Soviet communism thing", I might be better off on a lighter topic. Perhaps sharing Abduction techniques. But certainly, we will stay away from Stalinesque treachery, young Czarevech's or Boris Yeltsin.

I have to admit that I wonder what he does in his spare time - does he work? I only hope he is not organizing any "movements" - we've seen what can happen with that.

You Poor Things

Canada Goes Conservative

I would have thought that our dear neighbors to the North would have learned from our mistakes. But it appears that cancers do spread.

40

So tomorrow I turn 40. It had to happen some day, right? You might wonder if I feel bad or weird or whatever, but I don't at all. So far, my experience has been that life gets better as I get older - so hopefully it just keeps moving that way.

But one thing I do feel is a little proud. Over the past few years I made two promises to myself, goals I wanted to achieve before 40. And I achieved them:

Quitting smoking - A big one. I stupidly started smoking when I was younger and then got completely hooked. I figured that quitting would be impossible, and that I would not succeed - I figured I would have to try it a few times before I got it right. But I wanted to be successfully smoke free by 40, so two years ago I decided to start trying. I did it on my very first try.

Back to the Gym - Another thing I wanted to start doing regularly again before I turned forty and when I quit smoking, I started. I feel great.

So I actually feel better moving into 40 than I probably did when I turned 30. So I feel good about it, but I will probably not rush into making goals for 50.

Weird birthday tidbit:

I am always the same age as the Super Bowl. Whatever number Super Bowl is about to be played is my age. And the Super Bowl is always played right around my birthday (weekend after). The funny thing about this though, is that I never noticed until recent Super Bowls where the Patriots played. Because if the Patriots are not in the Super Bowl, I pretty much don't care.

The Birthday Weekend

I have an upcoming birthday. One of the "milestone" birthdays, in fact. My fabulous friends Keri and Jen treated me to a truly fabulous night of fabulousness.

The weather was really nice Friday night here in Boston - springtime warmth. And I, on autopilot of some kind, completely missed the correct stop on the T's Orange Line. Rather than get off and then back on, I decided to walk. It was a nice time right through Boston Common, past the frog pond watching the skaters and down to the Park Plaza Hotel.

At the Hotel I met the girls at Bonfire where we had some fancy cocktails (well, I had wine, but in the giant goblets I love so much). We sit down to dinner and who do we see across the room? More friends of ours from UMass! Also celebrating a birthday (the same milestone birthday).

So this cracks me up a lot, given that we are at this fancy, expensive restaurant. You see, years and years ago (well, some years ago), we all used to go out drinking and eating when we were in school. To pay for it in those days, we often got together whatever change or loose dollars we could find that we made from our part time convenience store jobs. So this night it kind of hit home that we really had "grown up" - we were dressed up, eating and drinking some fine food and wine.

It was awesome. The partner David was not up for joining us, but I brought him a goody bag from the restaurant which he greatly appreciated.

Saturday morning I slept later than usual, given the rather large amount of wine I consumed Friday night (hey, it was for my birthday, I keep telling myself). In fact, I felt pretty foggy all day Saturday. However, that all cleared up when I met a friend later at Machine for beers and shots.

So Sunday I sweat it all out at the gym - at least that is what I like to tell myself, but given how much wonderfully fun debauchery I experienced over two straight nights, I was pretty surprised how much stamina I had. For some reason I could not stop watching the Steelers game on TV either. I mean, I did not really want to watch it, but it was on and I was doing cardio and I got lost in the thing.

European News

UPDATE 1/22/2006 - OK, I feel badly that the whale died. But that does not change the sentiment of the original post (in fact, the extreme coverage of that compared to the lack of coverage of the Canadian election pretty much highlights what I was trying to say).

Why is it that we never see anything in the news about Europe unless it revolves around an American issue? This is really quite unacceptable. They are as important, if not more so, than the US - but the biggest stories we get are about whales in the Thames or Princes in the Army.

American centric views of the world will get us nowhere people. Start reviewing the BBC.com if you want some more real information.

"Whatever, just crash it"

TV commercials basically suck - usually they are inane, inept and uninteresting. However, once in a Blue Moon, some very good ones come along, the kind you remember (which scores a point for the advertiser, because that is what they want) and the kind that make you laugh or smile.

One of my personal favorites is the one for the minivan which shows poor "Bob", who is apparently under the control of the whims of two young boys, around 8 years old. Bob is a technician at the crash testing facility where he controls the ramming of mini-vans into walls. This is an 8 year old boy's fantasy. At one point, one of his enthusiastic masters yells, "now do the Gold one", and Bob so adultily corrects him stating that it " is Desert Sand Micah" (referring to the color). The young kid wonderfully replies, "whatever, just crash it". Tremendous.

We need more ads like this on TV.

Should have stayed in bed

My poor baby has a boo-boo

So I am cruising along, minding my own business in slow traffic when *BOOM*, a truck behind me, trying to change lanes, catches the right rear of my car.

Damn it! And this was only the beginning of a very bad day. The details of which I will spare you. Fortunately, I am meeting the fabulous Jen and Keri on Friday to be fabulous.

Words that sound funny

Some words I have always thought sounded funny and general reason, in no particular order:

Cup - it is a wierd word. It always made me laugh in mass "and he took the cup..."
Punishment - it sounds funny. I think of a tight lipped school marm demanding that a child present him/herself "for punishment". However, in a job title it could be interesting "Director of Punishments".
President Bush - either word taken separately does not sound unusual. But together they are a riot.
Parochial - what? It sounds like a disease or malady.
Bunny - no explanation required.

Jack is Back

it's the most wonderful time, of the year.....



"24', otherwise known as "the Best Show Ever", is returning Sunday night with a 2 hour opening, with another 2 hour dose Monday, before settling into its regular weekly Monday night schedule, taking us right into late Spring.

Fox, you suck is so many ways I cannot possibly forgive you, but thank you anyway, for this marvelous distraction from reality.

Starbuck vs. Starbuck

vs.
Discuss

Crazy Bird

Rick the Bird always needs to be in the middle of whatever is going on - he is the original "Curious George".

So when the Partner David decided to bring home about 50 novelty coffee mugs he found antiquing, and laid them out to organize, clean and pack, Rick had to "get in the middle".



We found him like this on the counter literally talking into the coffee mugs. This is an "ET Moment" - he often goes crawling around on the shelves behind David's knick-knacks, blending in almost. He will stand perfectly still while you are looking for him and you can't see him (just like when ET was hiding among the dolls in little Drew Barrymore's closet).

What A Bird.

The Mouse that Roared?

UPDATE 1-13-2006 - it turns out this was a massive rumor, picked up and reported by the "traditional media", creating world wide interest. Not surprising, because how believable was it really?

UPDATE 1-12-2006, also very interesting.

I find this story very interesting. Apparently, an 81 year old man catches a mouse, and then tries to dispose of it by throwing it in a pile of burning leaves. But hold on - that little bugger gets the last laugh - it runs out of the burning leaves (ablaze itself), runs back into the house, setting the house on fire and burning it to the ground.

Hmmm. Let's dissect this story a little bit. The story does not say how the mouse was caught. Having some experience with the noble art of mouse catching, there are only five ways I can see:

Traditional spring trap - where the mouse is rendered usually dead or highly injured due to the spring smashing down on it.
Glue Trap - where the critter gets itself stuck in a spread of glue on a high tech piece of cardboard and becomes immobilized (but left alive for those of you who cannot stomach death, but love the idea of enduring agony).
"Humane" Trap - where the mouse is caught alive in a trap and unharmed, but cannot escape, so it can be humanely let out in the wild somewhere, where it will get eaten by an owl or snake or other horror.
A Cat - the old fashioned way.
By Hand - where you just swoop down and grab the thing by the tail.

OK, now that we know the various ways in which this mouse could have been captured, let's apply them to this situation:

• The traditional spring trap would have killed the thing or rendered it immobile, it could not have run back to the house.
• The glue trap would have required the effort of separating the varmint from the trap, which would really be a waste of time - besides, it could not have run back.
• The "humane" trap is an unlikely thing too because why use this type of trap if you are just going to burn the thing alive? Unless you are a sadist.
• A cat would have also likely left the thing in a state unlikely to run burning from a fire.
• Perhaps the thing was caught by hand, but have you ever tried to catch a mouse by hand? At 81?

So, maybe you can see why I find this story "interesting" to say the least. I must admit that I cannot even imagine throwing a live animal into a fire, even a mouse. Maybe in a life or death struggle - like wrestling a grizzly bear while defending a baby - I might be able to do it. But just a mouse? You reap what you sew, I guess.

I hope his home owners insurance covers Fire by Mouse.

Death and Taxes..... and Laundry?

Everyone has heard the quote, "Of this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes" (Benjamin Franklin, circa sometime a long time ago). It is requoted or paraphrased over and over again. Well, I would like to add my version:

"Of this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes, and doing laundry"
- Jack, circa 2006.

It seems that I am always doing laundry. I do not do it more often than other people, probably about once per week, but it seems that every time I finish the laundry, I am teleported through time to the next time I am doing laundry. Every time I am filling the washing machine I have this deja vu feeling of "didn't I just do this"?

And while I am on the subject, why do laundry detergents have SO MANY different versions? I mean, liquid Tide has like 75 different kinds to choose from (partnering with Febreeze?). And is there anything more ridiculous than "Fresh Scent"? What is that really supposed to mean? Do we have the choice of "Stale Scent"? No.

My final laundry pet peeve, the laundry bag. I use a cloth bag to cart haul it to the basement. I always throw it in with the load as well, and use it to bring it back up. I swear the thing has consciousness and also tries to hide from me. Whenever I try to empty the hot dryer of its flesh searing contents, it is the first thing I need to get at, but it is always at the most difficult place to get to.

Remember "Lost in Space"? They had the right idea - you dump all the laundry into some machine and close the lid. The machine makes some sci fi noises for a few minutes, and then you remove the folded, plastic packaged contents. Someone should be working on this.

The Change "Tray"

I went to the store tonight on the way home from work. I was cold, tired, had a lousy drive home, and was in no mood for irritations. Yet I encountered one of my biggest pet peeves.

Why does it seem so common now, when you have change from a cash transaction that includes both bills and coins, that cashiers feel the need to present the coins in a highly unstable pile on top of a "tray" made from the bills (sometimes folded to provide extra tray strength, but usually not)?

This is a recipe for coin disaster. There is great chance of a change spillage during transfer from cashier to customer. Many times the receipt of the coins and bill tray are only one part of a larger juggling act being made by the customer at the time. Perhaps they are carrying other bags or a purse in the other hand, perhaps they are burping a child, or maybe they are scratching something. But in areas of cash exchange, it is common for the customer to be multi-tasking, whereas the cashier has only one concern - the presentation of the change.

When did the cashier industry decide to place the Change Exchange Burden onto the customer? At one time they presented change back by counting it to the customer to ensure accuracy. But no more, not that in schools you can now use calculators and notebook computers in Math class.

In cash exchange situations, I am not the one who is getting paid for doing the work. In fact, I am the one doing the paying. It seems only fair to me that the Burden Of Effort be placed back in the cashiers' hands.

Who's with me?

"Brokeback Mountain" for Best Picture

The partner David and I went to see the movie "Brokeback Mountain" last night before heading out to ring in the New Year.

I am not a big fan of love stories (gay or otherwise), and went to this more for David than because I wanted to see the movie. I certainly had heard of it, and that it was supposed to be so good. I thought it would be something nice for us to do together on New Years Eve.

Well, it moved me. It is a brilliant movie. Now you might say that I cannot objectively say that, being a gay man in a long term deep relationship. But I really think I can. Because it was not just about the love between two men that makes this movie work so well. It is beautifully filmed - the breathtaking Wyoming background actually is a character in the movie itself. The acting is Oscar worthy - both of the principal actors showed remarkable range. The story was well written, sensitive where it needed to be and almost disturbingly graphic at the right moments.

This movie deserves the accolades it is destined to get, and I hope you will go see it. You will be moved. But I do warn you, bring your tissues.

My Hopes for 2006

I respectfully submit some of my requests for 2006:

• I hope we finally get to know what happened between Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie that caused the middle-class challenged duo to part ways. Because, after all, I am sure it is really very interesting, right?
• I hope that Tom Delay's request for a speedy hearing is granted.
• I hope that Old Navy brings back the Old Navy Carolers for Christmas 2006, because I missed them Oh so much this year.
• I hope that Cable TV creates a "Millionaires' Channel", because that is really the only appropriate place for those Lexus commercials implying it is so easy to just buy a luxury car, put a giant bow on it and surprise my child with it for Christmas (WTF? Who can really do that?)
  
• I hope Dakota Fanning finally gets to be a kid and not forced to be in a movie.
• I hope that A&E's upcoming "Roller Girls" series is quickly cancelled and never made available on DVD.
  

and finally...

• I hope that George Bush is Impeached. After all, if Bill Clinton faced impeachment because he made an inappropriate deposit, isn't it only fair that George Bush face the same for trashing the Constitution and spying on Americans without legal warrant?

Happy New Year!